Just over a year ago August 2023 my son age 6 developed an interest in numbers, he isn't advanced for his age if anything he’s behind but he developed an interest in asking me sums and initially he would answer them differently to how I would such as
what’s 5 + 3, I’d say it’s 8, he’d reply no it’s 7 and 1,
Fast forward to the present, he asks me sums from the minute he opens his eyes until he settles at night. It’s very very repetitive. He doesn’t always know the answer to these sums he’s asking and he doesn’t like me to ask him sums. When he wakes at night he can ask me sums not always but on occasion. If he’s colouring in and uses the wrong colour by mistake he gets very upset and angry with himself, he can’t move on from the mistake until the next day.
Upon returning to school in August 2024 he was getting very upset at the end of the day, he would say the same things most days “I’m doing everything” “ I’m not doing everything anymore” he wasn’t able to elaborate further what he was meaning. He was exhausted though he fell asleep sitting up twice in that week.
I contacted the school and said I was keeping him off the following day to rest. School fed back to me that he puts these high expectations on himself and he wants to finish a full worksheet even when the Rest of the class are having brain breaks, he is the one who wants to do more work after he’s completed his tasks for that morning/afternoon. They said if he makes a mistake he’s hard on himself and gets very upset. He can’t move on from it until he can’t see the mistake anymore, teacher has started putting white sticky labels over any mistakes so its completely out of his sight. They said he talks and is very much a chatterbox. They don’t seem overly concerned. Whereas I am concerned that he’s not feeling able to give himself time to rest and play with his special interest toy like he has always done on previous years at school and he’s exhausting himself to the point he’s in tears on our car journey home.
Upon hearing what the school said I was shocked as from what my son was saying I thought that the school were the ones pushing him to apply himself more. Now I’m unsure how to support him with these high expectations he has on himself. He isn’t at the stage where we could have a back and forth conversation about worries, solutions, realistic expectations etc. I have been implementing 5 minute breaks for myself and my son. To try model that even mum needs a break after a task. I say aw my body/brain needs a rest.
Since August 2023 my son seems to have changed, he went from a boy who could lash out, meltdowns, school refusal to now showing signs of Rejection sensitivity dysphoria, he people pleases, he masks, he worries. He thinks his teacher will be disappointed in him. If there’s a person on tv that’s loud or raising their voice he would say turn it over as it panics him, if I’m giving his brother a row he gets panicked and says it’s okay he’s a good boy. If he hears a baby cry when we are outdoors he gets worried and will keep asking about them for a long time after. A dog barking in the vet and he thought the dog didn’t like him and that’s why it was barking. He can’t always make decisions such as go for a shower, brush your teeth, getting dressed, leave the house he would be in tears and say I don’t know what to do and these situations when he can’t make his mind up go on for hours and as a parent it’s very upsetting to see him like that..
My sons dad is diagnosed with OCD and puts very high expectations on himself.
I am now wondering if this is early warning signs of OCD? Does he feel so uncomfortable in his surroundings at school that he’s wanting his workload increased as a coping mechanism.
Is what he’s experiencing internalised PDA? freeze/fawn internalised meltdowns? Is he over working himself as that’s a way of gaining his autonomy and asserting control over himself as he can’t control his surroundings?
