Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
My 7 year old son has recently been diagnosed with ASD. He really struggles in social situations like birthday parties, he doesn't join in and won't go off and play unless I'm constantly by his side. If I go to sit down to talk to other parents he follows me and this can also lead to him having a meltdown but he's quite happily playing if I'm close to him. He's the same at any social setting ie playdates with other children. He doesn't feel comfortable going off with other children unless he has either me or a trusted adult by his side too. I feel like all the other parents are sitting down chatting to each other while I'm sticking with him to avoid a meltdown. It can become very lonely. He struggles with anxiety too.
I was wondering if anyone else had been in a similar situation and can offer any advice?
I'm nearly 50 and I can't "read" most people unless they're ADHD, Autistic, dyslexic or also have these similar neuro-differences. In fact, I didn't even know this was a thing until about 10 years ago. But this makes most everyone else unsafe until enough time has passed to create a familiarity and it's usually easier one-on-one. I wasn't taught how to build friendships properly when young, but found a mentor in my mid 20s who spelled a few rules out and it was a game changer. The most important one being to invest in another and allow yourself to take at least a year to begin to build a friendship.
It could be good to take notice of the other children and find the ones who seem more interested in sharing with him, and invite that mum + child over for a playdate. If it's a success, perhaps arrange again in a month or several weeks.
Autistics are often aware to some degree or another they're not quite connecting to peers, but won't understand why. There are a few theories but it basically comes down to what make Autism unique: we communicate different. There's always a loss in translation. So we cannot be socialised the same, and in societies where much is unspoken and implied, it can appear like everyone is speaking telepathically. Except for the Arts, which is an ancient form of expression. But from everything I've read, we tap into the utility of words but do not have the strengthened neuro-connexions for social linguistics. However, we do seem to have particular strengths which those who are not Autistic don't have, just like the advantage Dyslexics have which is unique to that 'design of brain' as it were.
Anxiety appears part and parcel and there's a great deal of interest in research here, as papers keep reporting lower GABA in Autistics and ADHD, which are responsible for calming the brain and the gut-brain axis. they're also responsible or filtering and 'desensitising', so it makes sense as to why we can be naturally hyper-sensitive to almost anything, but this does have an evolutionary advantage - we should sense danger. It does seem to be a biologically stress-induced anxiety, not stemming from the same place as our Typical peers. I've been taking a Nootropics compound made from functional mushrooms most of my life and a scan of my brainwaves has shown high alpha due to this, which aid a sense of calm. I know they make these for kids. I've always found Immune boosting supplements the most helpful, as the immune system is connected to the gut, which is connected to the brain. Hope some of this helps!
Hi Juniper - can I ask what Nootropics compound you take? I could definitely do with something to ‘aid a sense of calm’.
I'm currently working with a company from the states called Host Defence and a doctor in Vancouver working with them - the Immune compounds MyCommunity and Stamens 7 aren't hard to find in the UK, and one has a mushroom that isn't allowed in for some reason, but I hope to make a case for it. However, my son is taking these https://kekanaturals.co.uk/products/mushroom-gummies and there are others that look worth trying with similar ingredients. Also look for L-Theanine, which is an amino acid to help build GABA. :)