HELP PLEASE? Feel like I’m losing the war :(

Hello everyone,

I’m new here so please bare with me.

I am really struggling at the moment, to remind myself each battle won is good news, when it just feels like I am losing the war.

some quick history;

Son is 8 years old, almost 9

Started showing signs of asd at around 18 months (I know I know too young to pay attention to)

Finally at age 2 and an half got my sons assessment- failed to be diagnosed thanks to no input from nursery at all.

2 years at mainstream school, 13 meetings, drop to 84% attendance, school refusal, regular meltdowns, physical violence, and self harm and school finally agreed to refer for a re assessment in September 2019. We are still on the waiting list after our initial paediatrician review, who agreed to the mda.

involvement from;

speech and language

occupational therapy

physiotherapy

sleep clinic (melatonin prescribed)

CAHMS mental health support for anxiety

educational psychologist- now being re referred to them 

social communication clinic

paediatricians for health concerns (low iron, bad diet, pain etc.)

so far over 23 meetings and innumerable “chats” with school

they always agree to help, and say they will offer the world, and nothing is every followed through. Not even as simple at agreeing to do sensory circuits daily, as advised by occupational therapy, to only not do them. This year my son has done one.

In summary my son is;

waiting list for autism assessment

waiting for educational psychologist to attend school again

waiting list for another block of speech therapy

referal put in place for dyspraxia (developmental coordination disorder) assessment

referral to orthotics for foot and ankle braces

physiotherapist to attend school (regards to body pain and injuries sustained at school)(low muscle tone)

under peads for asthma and low iron

reviewed 6 monthly by Continence clinic and social communication clinic

completed a course of CBT for anxiety

He is now at the point where he is sobbing every day, he hates school, he hates me for sending him, he believes everyone hates him, and is having a daily meltdown when leaving school, attempting to headbutt walls, hitting me for stopping him, biting, kicking and throwing himself down to cry.

its breaking my heart and my spirit, I do absolutely everything in my power to get the help he needs, and to give him the help myself. I spend all of my time researching ways to help him, and services that may help. It feels as though everyone tells me they are willing to help, and come up with some really brilliant ideas, and then..nothing.

the topping is that I have been asking school for help to apply for an EHCP assessment, and they have dragged their feet for 3 years, only to now tell me in year 4 that they are going to put a “my support plan” in place. That it will take this whole school year to create. And that they are not allowed to apply for an EHCP without the MSP. They have said that, the my support plan will be ready for year 5, it will take all of year 5 to assess if it is working, and they can not then apply for the EHCP in year 6 as they are not allowed to apply for one “just for high school”.

i am honestly at the point of pulling him out and home schooling, I have only been reluctant to do this as he needs the social interaction in the school environment.

Sorry for the super long post, I know it’s a lot, but I just don’t know what to do anymore, sometimes it feels as though I should just give up looking for help, pull him out of school, and get him through life with my support.

any advice would be appreciated, or just someone to tell me I’m not the “overprotective mum” asking for help for my child who doesn’t need it.

thank you so much x