Published on 12, July, 2020
My child is almost 4. She is very verbally delayed and are on the pathway for an autism assessment (to confirm as pediatrician is quite sure but unable to diagnose)
She is getting very angry and having violent outbursts (hitting, kicking, biting, scratching, pushing her younger sibling over, pulling hair, ripping into the face of whoever is close to her at the time)
She struggles with change and it's been a fairly big one for her with breaking up for summer, switching from pm to am sessions (+dinner) at nursery. I'd understand if this was her trigger but her behaviour began to worsen before the summer.
I don't know what to do, I was told that as her speech improves so will her behaviour but although her speech is improving her outbursts are getting worse!
Has anyone been in this situation and found a way to manage the outbursts?
Her attention span is literally zero so telling her that it hurts to hit doesn't sink in.
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I've been in a similar position with my teenager in the past and I would firstly like to say it does get better. Due to her speech delay, how does she communicate currently. Having an AAC device or an app (Avaz is a really cheap app to run) or maybe a PECS folder. Introducing this, if you haven't already can help her communicate what is wrong.
Regarding the behaviour, maybe you can have a diary to monitor and track this. Autism 360 is another app we use to monitor her sleep, behaviour, eating, toileting etc. Having a diary to track what happens before a behaviour, who was there, what was happening, how she and others responded etc can help identify any triggers. I tracked my daughters behaviour and actually found out most of her behaviour was due to anxiety when she needed the toilet or was understimulated. It could be sensory related too. It might be too overwhelming for her, too much background noise, people, visual stimulation, noisy, or she might not be getting enough input and crave this by lashing out. Deep pressure may help so squeezing her arms and hands when she lashes out too.
During your daughters outbursts the most important thing is to keep everyone safe so maybe moving her away to a different room, if possible if not move others away from her. We used positive reinforcement, e.g saying "safe hands, safe body, or gentle hands" but before this I role-modelled this and praised her whenever she had her hands together and to herself and she slowly started to lash out less and less. Maybe instead of telling her that hitting hurts, say something like "keep your hands to yourself" or if you can see her behaviour and emotions escalate maybe you could tell her to hit a pillow or keep a pillow near you so you can block the hits. Another thing I like to do, which may or may not help your daughter is to keep her hands busy. I try to keep something soft in her hands as long as possible like a fidget toy or a teddy. I always tell my daughter what behaviour I am expecting so instead of saying stop throwing, I say lets play catch because then it's still throwing. Or when she is kicking, I get her to kick a ball. Hitting, I play a hand game like pat-a-cake or just lots of high-tens. Sometimes if she has a lot of energy, which is also a trigger for some people, I get her on the gym ball to bounce or use a weighted blanket and a calming activity.
I don't know if this is any help but at least it's an idea. This is all from my experience but everyone is different. I wish you all the best.
Thank you so much for replying. You've given me a lot of ideas there that I'm definitely going to try.
Currently she speaks using singular words and if she wants/needs something that she can't say she'll point or drag me to it.
I'm glad to hear that things improved for you and your teenager. If anything that's given me hope that it's going to get better for mine too and we just need to ride this out while we work out her triggers.
You've given me lots to think about so thanks again.