Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi , I’m the mother of a recently diagnosed 21 year old son. He managed through school and college so I never picked up on anything, he has 6 siblings, all older so I put his awkwardness down to just being quieter etc. When covid hit and he was told to stay at home he coped well, it was only when life got to normal that we became aware of how isolated he is, he has no friends and tells me he doesn’t want any. He has just started claiming UC and he is going to need help to become employed. What I need help with mainly is how I treat him, myself and my partner work and so I expect him to help out around the house, washing up etc, I try not to put to much pressure on him but I think maybe I put too little? Do I need to push him? He will wash up but he will only dry up half of it, my partner thinks he’s just being lazy, and it’s causing friction. I just want my son to be happy, have friends, go out and enjoy himself …….. I’m at a loss at what to do for the best
Autistic people (I'm one as is my daughter, 23yr) are not inherently more fragile than allistic (non-autistic) people. We have problems that allistic people do not have, greater anxiety, sensory issues, problems with communication etc., but we can become quite mentally strong from dealing with these extra problems. If your son is not regularly having meltdowns (look like temper tantrums, but aren't) or shutdowns (self explanatory) then he is most probably coping and does not need 'mollycoddling' to any extent. As JFG said, give him exact guidelines and phrase requests unambiguously. An autism diagnosis does not greatly change the person diagnosed, all autistics are so from before birth. You do not have to treat your son very differently than you have for all his life before his diagnosis.