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18 Year Old Son

NAS96027

Hi All,

I'm Dad to an 18 year old Son, who has just finished College and seems a bit lost and has increasing stress and anxiety by the day. He wants to work but is struggling to find anything even collecting glasses in a pub.

He ha has signed on for UC and they are providing some coaching but not much. I suggest things but he just ignores me ( I am his Dad after all)

Any advice gratefully received, regarding helping him into work or volunteering or other areas that could help with his anxiety and self confidence.

Many Thanks,

N

  • These programmes - heritage skills and traditional crafts, always sound Autistic friendly. https://www.kings-foundation.org/education

    Helping to further specialised interests or even finding mentorships can further a more suitable career. Even one day workshops or community events such as cleaning a park or gardening. Too often, we leave skill with little hands on experience on navigating everyday things. 

  • Right now I'm on the other side of your issue. My dad wants to encourage me to find work, and I do want to be self sufficient in that way. But he doesn't see the issues I see, and interprets my resistance as an unwillingness to try.

    I can tell you something like collecting glasses in a pub sounds very stressful. Being around drinkers, having to step into people's personal spaces to collect things, all that probable noise around. That amount of sensory load can cause physical pain. For me, in those kinds of situations, the muscles in my neck sieze up and I'm completely incapable of making them relax. If I dropped one glass, my fight or flight instincts would be maxed out.

    It's highly possible that your son is looking at the worst case scenarios of your suggestions and focusing on them more than anything. But because of that, if you leave him alone to figure it out for himself, he'll very likely dig this hole for himself in perpituity. I'm 31 years old and never had a job for that exact reason. You're doing good staying involved with the issue. You just maybe need a new approach.

    Ask him, if he could guarantee a secure and consistent work environment for himself, what kind of jobs he could imagine himself doing. If he's unsure, break it down for him. Something in STEM? Creative? Physical work? Keep it strictly hypothetical and push aside all the negative possibilities. Just try to imagine himself in an ideal work environment. And you don't have to settle for the first idea. Try to come up with a few, so that there are options. If you can get him to this idealised concept of what a job could be like for him, then you can break it down step by step how to get there.