Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I don't know if this is a question, sharing experience or howling into the void.
I have an 18 year old son who is diagnosed autistic. In general he has always been reasonably OK, going to standard schools and Colleges and holding down part-time jobs while a student - we've had issues with bullying but nothing particularly out of the ordinary.
Over the last couple of years he's fallen into a crowd around College and taken to drink and also drugs. He believes it's perfectly normal to go to Wetherspoons at 11.30 on a Tuesday morning, stay there until the evening and drinking 8 or 9 pints. On several occasions friends of his have called us and asked us to come and get him as he's pretty much unconscious. On occasion he has been abusive.
Latest episode was last night - went to a pub with a friend, friend had 1 pint, he had 6, came home and started cooking and vaping in the kitchen. We don't allow vaping in the house, I calmly told him he could cook, or could vape down the road but not both. He refused, became abusive, told us he could do what he wanted and say what he wanted. It got physical (just pushing and shoving) and ended with me chucking his dinner down the sink, and him going out and pulling a fence down on his way.
I've always said that I will never give up on him, that he makes stupid decisions because of his age and condition, but he's not a bad boy. But at some point there has to be a line; I don't have much leverage with him now, he has a job and doesn't need lifts to places etc. So I am wondering if we say now that there are rules of living in our house, I don't think they're particularly onerous but if you don't comply, you can't live here.
Any advice / sources of advice?
Yeh it sounds like he wants to drink more than most people. He could be self medicating. I don’t think he needs to abstain from alcohol completely or anything but maybe drinking more moderately would help. Boys his age like to drink on occasion that’s normal but if your boy is doing it to the point where he becomes unconscious yes that’s a problem. But I must let you know that alcohol is a problem many of us autistic people have. I was like your boy at 18 too. Luckily I found vitamin B6 I take that everyday as it helps me cope with anxiety, light sensitivity etc. It is likely that your boy is probably using the alcohol to cope with his social anxiety in my opinion. Whereas most boys his age just drink to have fun. It seems like your boy is doing it not only to have fun but to cope with social anxiety. I recommend sitting down and having a chat with him about drinking in moderation. Encourage him to move out on his own so he can explore his hobbies and independence. Also it might be useful to identify and investigate if autism is prevalent in the family. Autism is genetic and alcohol problems can be inherited from autistic family members. Identifying any issues around familial alcohol use can be important for empathising with your son and getting him the best help he needs to change his view towards alcohol.