Published on 12, July, 2020
I wondered if anyone has any recommendations on info resources (books, similar) about trying to understand and manage with my 14yo son who has (about 6 months ago) received an ASD diagnosis.
I have read lots of online info to try and educate myself regarding his ASD, and have found it all incredibly interesting. But I find so little of it really fits his own situation. EVERYONE IS REALLY DIFFERENT. Some of his struggles are minor compared to others on here but they are struggles. I'd guess he would have been an Aspergers diagnosis 10 years ago or 'high-functioning' but its a bit like eyesight - you may have a very minor prescription, compared to someone with terrible eyesight.... but you still cant read the text
Our lad seems to have a lot of contradictions.
The School do not understand his ASD diagnosis at all - they just don't see it (he is a A1 student - work, sport, and presence). Whereas sports clubs see him as incredibly hard work and trouble.
He is great at some sports but terrible at others, and clumsy
Very bright academically, but not in a genius/studious way
Can hold really fluid conversations with all sorts of adults, but struggles with his peers
Is clearly reasonably popular with peers but has no real top friends. Never gets contacted, invited to events etc (popular in small doses is my gut feel)
Doesn't like to really go places but really enjoys it if he does go out (have just managed to get him to go independently to gym - enjoys it and has bumped into some friends... but wont ask them what days they normally go etc etc)
Resents doing jobs e.g. homework, washing etc, helping out. Does them because he knows he has to but attitude is so draining.... but can be super great company
He wont really tell us what goes on in his brain. But why would he. To him its just normal how he spots every minor thing people do wrong; has a super-power for remembering minor stuff from years ago but not the three things you asked him to get from the kitchen; or has little awareness of time (getting ready, 5 minute jobs taking 30 mins etc)
Anyone in a similar bucket... or can recommend some targeted reading for me.
thanks in advance
NAS89323 said:The School do not understand his ASD diagnosis at all
Have you met with the SENCO from the school? You have a list of autistic traits here that you should be discussing with them to get them to provide an assessment and properly assess if help is needed.
Looking at what else you wrote:
Clumsy - poor motor skills are a common autistic trait
Can speak to adults but not peers - this is also an autistic trait as he is outside of his peer group so he does not have to conform and his differences do not get picked on. His mind probably works at a more mature level for the things he talks about and this will bring him ridicule from his peers.
Few friends - very common autistic trait
Doesn't like to go places - fear of change and/or stong preference for routine is a common trait. Once it becomes an established habit then it is much easier.
Resents doing housework - sounds like demand avoidance - another common trait (sometimes called PDA)
Not telling you what he is thinking - he is probably aware that his thought processes are different to yours and is avoiding judgement.
Spots minor things that are wrong - pattern recognition is a strong autistic trait so we often spot when something isn't as it shoudl be.
The range in our traits is from the nature of a spectrum condition - we get a smattering of the traits at a range of intensities and sometimes with co-existing conditions like ADHS or bipolar so we can be all over the place when compared against one another.
Suggested reading material:
For you:
Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)ISBN 0764525476
The Loving Push - How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults - Debra Moore, PhD, Temple Grandin, PhD (2016)ISBN 9781941765203
maybe:
Teaching Pre-Employment Skills to 14–17-Year-Olds - The Autism Works Now Method - Joanne Lara, Susan Osborne, Temple Grandin (2017)no ISBN info in book
For him:
Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Grandin, Temple, Barron, Sean (2017)ISBN 9781941765388
really appreciate the response. thanks.
just to confirm - the school are no problem, he gets what he needs etc. they just say they see very few, if any, of the traits that are quite obvious to others out of school