Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi - My 14 yo son punches himself for things he thinks he’s got wrong & he says he hates himself when he gets things ‘wrong’ as he sees it. I try to teach him that when things don’t go as we plan it’s ok & often helpful to see how we could try a different approach maybe next time. He is in mainstream with classroom assistant support and that is how they view learning too yet still he has this harsh, punitive self judgement . He was diagnosed with ASD in primary school. He also has difficulties with distraction but didn’t get an ADHD diagnosis. He goes into the bathroom and without assistance ffrom me knocking the door every 10mins or staying outside the door to prompt him and a timer in with him to let him know a few minutes have passed he would be in their for hours. If he is frustrated because he’s been in so long he is really hard on himself even though I tell him it’s ok and that we will find a strategy to help him he ends up getting angry with himself and punches his legs. I love him so much and feel devastated when he does this that I end up struggling to deal with my own emotions so I can help him better. I try to be helpful and supportive but get frustrated and upset as I feel I can’t help and it breaks my heart to see him feeling so bad. I just can’t think about what to say to help so he stops feeling so bad about himself. Just felt so awful that I couldn’t help him so I was wondering if anyone else is managing better and could share some advice for what helps them? Thanks Christine
Hi, I’m not in exactly the same situation as you or your son, but for a long time in my early teenage years I had the same attitude towards myself and would physically hurt myself because I believed I wasn’t good enough or was doing things wrong, especially in areas where non-autistic people don’t seem to struggle as much. It took me a while to teach myself that I am worthy no matter what, that my body and my mind deserve kindness including from myself, and that there are other ways to cope with these feelings - I still stim in meltdowns that stem from those negative feelings, but I try to direct my actions away from myself, and I repeat affirmations to myself while still allowing myself to express those negative emotions, usually by crying for me. Focusing on the things I like about myself and am good at also helps me cope better when I don’t manage as well as I want to.