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School Refusal

GWP2024
3 months ago

My son is 7 and is awaiting a formal diagnosis! School have been fab but getting him in is the problem as I have seen in many other posts! We are lucky that we live a 1 minute walk from the school, if we had to get him into a car to get him there then his attendance would be much much lower. 

He's a big 7 year old and I can't lift him at all, my husband and I both work full time so we share drop offs in the morning! This week is my turn! Monday and Tuesday were fine but Wednesday we did normal drop off (not breakfast club) and his teacher again had to come out onto the bath to help me get him in. We had tears, he was on the floor and lashing out! This morning we had avoidance from 7am again and I insisted on breakfast club so we didnt have to deal with the struggle in the middle of everyone else dropping off! I had to practically drag him out the door and then my husband carried him part way down the road before struggling between us the rest of the way to the gate. He's lashing out and its utterly draining as well as completely heartbreaking leaving him in the update state he's in! 

This week has been different with preparation happening at school for moving up to the next class in September so it's put some pressure on and is out of routine but we have been sitting down and discussing with lots of opportunity to cry it out or shout it out if need be at home! 

How do I make the school transition easier in the morning? Desperate mum here!

  • 3 months ago

    Hi there,

    I hope you're okay.  That sounds heartbreaking for you all. I'm sure you'll have thought of the following ideas but I wanted to write them down incase they could be helpful"

    1. Is is feasible to work with the school and have your son part time home schooled if your family and the school could accommodate that (I see that may not be feasible because you are both in full time work)?
    2. Does your son have a favourite object he could take with him for stressful situation like transitions?
    3. Do you use a visual timetable at home that you can show him so he can prepare for changes?
    4. Do you use a timer to signal when he needs to change tasks?
    5. Does he have to wear different clothes to go to school? Maybe the school clothes cause a sensory reaction which is unbearable and perhaps he'd be better with materials he prefers if the school would allow at least a more comfortable top?
    6. Are there quiet areas at school where he's allowed to go if overwhelmed?
    7. Does he have a special friend/person at school who could be with him throughout the day and in at least one class for the new term?
    8. Does the school offer a transition book and extra transition meetings for children who need it?
    9. Are there activities at home that could be incorporated into his school day to help it feel more familiar (A book/object/game he likes)?
    10. Does he have emotion cards or a hand written note from you to show teachers if he's reaching overwhelm and needs quiet time to prevent him from having to tell them?

    My daughter refused many of the coping strategies the school and myself offered as she didn't want to be singled out so I've made our home the quiet place where I don't try to engage with her after school and leave her to have as much tech time she needs to decompress from having to be social and learn all day.  It's tough for them but I'm hoping you all find something that helps the process be easier and more manageable for you all.

    Best wishes to you.

  • 3 months ago in reply to Fiona

    Ohh yes 100% understands why its different! we have a lot of masking at school so he'll get on with at school but when at home it all comes out! He has been shown the new class and met his new teacher and the classmates wont change. school have been fab with preparing him. 

    I think maybe its come across that this has only happened this week- it hasnt not just about moving up i just assumed this is the trigger this week!

  • 3 months ago
    GWP2024 said:
    This week has been different

    Does he understand why it is different, that the holidays are coming up, and this place he's been getting used to all year is going to change a bit after the holidays? Can you take him to next year's classroom, to show where he and his classmates will be next year? I guess from his age that he might not have much experience of what happens at the end of one school year and the start of another. So preparing for the change would have helped me. The teacher walking you past the door of next year's classroom. Here's how you will get to it, here's what it looks like, here's how it will change your route to the bathroom and the much area and the playground, work out what kind of area of the room he will be comfortable sitting in. Make the connection that it'll be mostly the same people, just in a different place. This is not because of anything he has done, but is because he is getting older and more clever/educated he needs to be in a new class where he can learn the next level of information. If he is attached to his teacher, can the new teacher be with the old teacher for some of the handovers so he becomes familiar?

    Apologies if you've already told him this, I'm not a parent only an auntie.

    And because time seems relative, a year in the life of a 7-year old is almost like a decade to someone my age... as we get older a year is a smaller portion of your life experience so you look at things with a different perspective. Try and relate to you having to change your routine after decades of living in one place.... not easy!