Published on 12, July, 2020
On Friday, my daughter, 17, came home and had a meltdown over her shorts she couldn't find, I found them later under her duvet. Obviously more than the shorts triggered this, the shorts was the last thing she could tolerate.
Her meltdowns scare me and the family so much. They don't happen often but when they do its just so scary. They last no more than 10 minutes in the house because she will usually leave.
On Friday, she was screaming, shouting, swearing, punching her wardrobe. But it is just complete rage, you can't reason or help her and I always keep everyone away from her, usually into the garden, including myself. They are that bad the dog shakes. She left and drove herself to see her friend for a few hours.
Saturday, she woke up, had a shower and went to her dad's house and has come home today, Sunday. She is going to her Grandma's for the night apparently and will go to school tomorrow. She does not want to be around us and is not talking to us, me and my husband.
Her meltdowns scare us and she says it scares her to because she has no clue what she is going to do. She feels really guilty afterwards. We have struggled for nearly 8 years now but everytime we seek professional help, we get turned away because they all say "she is anxious because she is autistic" and that's that. GP, Camhs, police, no one helps us. We've requested medication but that's a no too.
No clue what to do now. She is 18 in a week and things will be different if she gets in trouble.
High functioning autism was never an official diagnostic term, just a colloquialism / informal one.
It sounds absolutely like my experience from my teens. I used to come home from school already highly stressed by the noise and bullies and if I found out something was missing in my closets I started searching but it quickly turned into something very similar to what you described with the difference that after that I run out of energy so I was unable to leave home, I just stayed catatonic in my room for few hours. I made the tantrum even if I didn’t need that thing. I had to know, that I have it on its place and that I know, where are all my belongings. i begged my mom for help (therapist, psychologist) but she ignored it although she was also pretty scared of that. I think your daughter needs professional help to help her cope with the stress. I didn’t have any support, I figured out in my own. First I learned how to avoid the final trigger - I stopped checking in my things if they are there. Even if I had strong need to do it. And I found ways of stimming to help myself calm down. I also try to remove myself from the situation and move my thoughts somewhere else before it escalates. It’s hard. Everyone is different so your daughter may need help to figure out what is working for her.
Bunny said:New diagnoses for people who would previously have fallen under those terms are instead defined as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) Level 1.
Already? Give it another year and they will change it once again - using levels is as divisive as using High/Low.
Iain said:The Aspies reference is for Aspergers syndrome, an obsolete name for what is now called High Functioning Autism
Both of those terms are now outdated.
New diagnoses for people who would previously have fallen under those terms are instead defined as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) Level 1.
Level 1 indicates that individuals with that diagnosis have lower support needs than those diagnosed at Levels 2 and 3.
This does not sound like a meltdown, but a tantrum. They are quite hard to tell apart but a meltdown results in a loss of control that would make her being able to drive almost impossible.
There is more on the subject here:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/meltdowns/all-audiences
I think this may be related to emotional disregulation which is causing her anger to become dominant when she is pushed past the point of being able to control it.
It will really need a qualified psychotherapis with autism experience t to help untangle this and offer her some tools to cope better. Go private if you can afford to - there is a good list of therapists here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/england?category=autism
Find one who is registered as a qualified theraoist:
https://www.hcpc-uk.org/check-the-register/
And look for other specialisations they offer to see which meet your daughters needs.
This will be especially helpful as she is going into a stage in life where there are a huge new number of unknowns and she is probably stuggling with change.
Anxiety is a common issue with autism and there are plenty of ways to improve out ability to manage it. I would suggest getting her a copy of the following book to read:
An Aspie's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501198
The Aspies reference is for Aspergers syndrome, an obsolete name for what is now called High Functioning Autism which is what your daughter has.
That would be my approach in your situation.