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Group activities for my 7 year old

NAS93950
4 months ago

Hi everyone,

My son who is nearly 7 years old has very bad social anxiety. He doesn't have any friends at school. He has one friend who he has known since birth, but she lives half an hour drive away and goes to a different school. We try to meet up when we can, but it's only once a month.

He finds loud, busy places stressful. There is one local museum which he likes and we spend a lot of time there.

I have tried after school clubs and Beavers but he doesn't like them, or want to go. He finds organised activities (like gymnastics or swimming classes) very stressful. 

At home he sticks to me like glue. He rarely plays independently from me and so we spend all our time together. I need a break! He is very emotional at the moment and his moods are up and down. I don't know why. He asks me to play with him and then shrieks at me when I get it wrong. 

Has anyone managed to find an activity that their socially anxious child has attended and enjoyed? Some days we don't leave the house. I am also starting to feel very isolated. I would love to meet other parents and chat whilst our children did an activity, and have a bit of time off. 

Our son is also an only child, which I don't think is helping. 

Thanks for your help

Parents
  • 4 months ago

    A few ideas! My son was very sensitive and dyslexic, but being Autistic myself, I could intuit his needs which always perplexed his father. Now my son is 27 and has to help me understand my communication differences, but that's for another thread! However, he's an only child and never ceases to thank me for it LOL

    I bought him a skate board when he was 4 and put him in karate, then judo. These are sports where groups might meet, but one is focused on competing with and bettering the self. We did other things which involved him being in a collective but doing his own thing at his own pace, not being forced to 'murmur' with peers, which is usually what creates stress: others expectations and standards, often connected to a Neurotypical pace and abilities, and involve confusing motivations which we don't sense or aren't driven by. 

    However, you DO need a day off once a week. And this is stressful, but with preparation and a good amount of taught reliability, you could make this happen. 

    Autistics are intensely impacted, which is different than emotional regulation (a secondary 'reasoning' internal tool).

    This Intensity of Impact is due to a different Filtering (or less, internal filtering) than Typical peers, which means the world can feel 'too real'. Internal and external incoming signals - noises or feelings will be sense-perceived without the same biological ability to de-sensitise. There is some medical research and better understanding on this now, and also findings that certain things can promote our biological Inhibitors which allow a little more filtering, and aid the ability to momentarily desensitise, but we are wired different so one will need to continually take a supplement or something to aid this. However, less Filtering means natural 'talent' for deciphering nuances in the natural world. Immediately noticing the difference between two similar looking mushrooms, one toxic, one a health tonic. Or noticing the difference in frequencies, which might be desirable for an acoustician or music producer. One still needs to learn how to harness their potential. 

    So, we do need external protection from things which can damage our senses. We don't adapt the same.

    Then add the experience of disconnect with the world around, which creates a sense of isolation, we are far more impacted by this sensation. So when you get a thing wrong, it's not just a friend misunderstanding the exchange. It's the one person in the whole world who's supposed to be my life-line! How would you respond if in a spacesuit, your tether was momentarily cut? Panic, right?

    As a parent, I felt the best remedy for separation anxiety was to over-anticipate the needs of my son. Bother him. Help him to help me help him. In fact, because of this I couldn't over-indulge him to spoiling. I still held principles but with kindness and compassion. But I'd always ask if he wanted a thing even when I knew he didn't. Or I'd over-mother even intentionally smother... The goal is to get them to be tired of you. Wait for them to get out the scissors and cut the rope themselves. :)

Reply
  • 4 months ago

    A few ideas! My son was very sensitive and dyslexic, but being Autistic myself, I could intuit his needs which always perplexed his father. Now my son is 27 and has to help me understand my communication differences, but that's for another thread! However, he's an only child and never ceases to thank me for it LOL

    I bought him a skate board when he was 4 and put him in karate, then judo. These are sports where groups might meet, but one is focused on competing with and bettering the self. We did other things which involved him being in a collective but doing his own thing at his own pace, not being forced to 'murmur' with peers, which is usually what creates stress: others expectations and standards, often connected to a Neurotypical pace and abilities, and involve confusing motivations which we don't sense or aren't driven by. 

    However, you DO need a day off once a week. And this is stressful, but with preparation and a good amount of taught reliability, you could make this happen. 

    Autistics are intensely impacted, which is different than emotional regulation (a secondary 'reasoning' internal tool).

    This Intensity of Impact is due to a different Filtering (or less, internal filtering) than Typical peers, which means the world can feel 'too real'. Internal and external incoming signals - noises or feelings will be sense-perceived without the same biological ability to de-sensitise. There is some medical research and better understanding on this now, and also findings that certain things can promote our biological Inhibitors which allow a little more filtering, and aid the ability to momentarily desensitise, but we are wired different so one will need to continually take a supplement or something to aid this. However, less Filtering means natural 'talent' for deciphering nuances in the natural world. Immediately noticing the difference between two similar looking mushrooms, one toxic, one a health tonic. Or noticing the difference in frequencies, which might be desirable for an acoustician or music producer. One still needs to learn how to harness their potential. 

    So, we do need external protection from things which can damage our senses. We don't adapt the same.

    Then add the experience of disconnect with the world around, which creates a sense of isolation, we are far more impacted by this sensation. So when you get a thing wrong, it's not just a friend misunderstanding the exchange. It's the one person in the whole world who's supposed to be my life-line! How would you respond if in a spacesuit, your tether was momentarily cut? Panic, right?

    As a parent, I felt the best remedy for separation anxiety was to over-anticipate the needs of my son. Bother him. Help him to help me help him. In fact, because of this I couldn't over-indulge him to spoiling. I still held principles but with kindness and compassion. But I'd always ask if he wanted a thing even when I knew he didn't. Or I'd over-mother even intentionally smother... The goal is to get them to be tired of you. Wait for them to get out the scissors and cut the rope themselves. :)

Children