• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 2366 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

worries

struggling mum

Hi all,

Relatively new here - since my 10 yr old son's diagnoses of HFA/Aspergers couple of weeks ago have been feeling really positive because finally I feel I have the missing piece of the jigsaw so to speak. Another reason is because I have spent 10 years thinking I have to be the worst parent imaginable for my child to become verbally and physically aggressive. I've been getting as much info as possible which has helped alot and taken our relationship from absolute crisis point to the beginning of recovery. 

Here is the current problem... I'm unable to sleep yet again as I don't know what to expect in the future. My son (outside of the behavioural difficulties) is a gentle and very sensitive soul. I'm reading that the vast majority of children on the spectrum are bullied something my son has already experienced alot of and it breaks my heart. I intend on helping with social skills as much as possible but its hard as his motivation to try new things and anything he deams 'educational' is non existent. As his mum I'm 'embarassing' which I understand with him being a boy but makes his desire to listen to me less. He sees his father occassionally due to distance but lets just say not an option as good role model material. 

The other issue keeping me awake is this.. I know every individual on or off the spectrum is different, but what am I to expect when his an adult? Will he be independent, able to have functioning relationships, employment and own housing? I certainly hope so but need someone with experience to help me gather a realistic idea of what the future holds.

Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading x

  • Hi

    My son started secondary school last September, a huge shock. He does not have a statement, because he is mild, so I chose a school 6 miles away which is an autism supercentre. Considering all the implications of such a change, he is doing well, academically. The school are definitely making sure he does not 'fly under the radar' as he is undisruptive but has huge social anxiety.

    My son is very much a loner, wishes not to make friends and seeks to only stay at home with his electronics. It has been difficult to perform normal life with him because of that. I have a daughter of 8, on whom my son relies as a friend and playmate. However, it does mean that we are both held to the house.

    One thing as a single working mum I found is that there is no childcare during school holidays for 12 year olds.

    So, at present it is a struggle with him. I am hoping, like my brother, at around the age of 16, he suddenly becomes sociable.

    At the moment, I am awaiting preparations for having a CAF meeting to possibly help him and my daughter and I find a good way forward with what is an 'at home' difficulty.

  • Hi Julie, thank-you for your reply. Often in the early days after diagnosis all these random questions enter your head and you don't know what to expect but its wonderful to hear how well your brother is doing :-)

    How's your son getting on 2 years past diagnosis? Did having that diagnosis make things easier for you both? Totally understand how 'mild' has a great impact on the family and support is absolutely vital. Hope you have lots of support and of course this is a great site too. 

    Thanks again for your positive message - much appreciated :-)

  • Hi,

    This is my first post on here. My son is just 12, he was diagnosed Aspergers about 2 years ago after a long wait. He is what is considered mild, but still affects my daughter's and my lives. His father is now no longer in his life, through his choice, but as you, was not the best of role models.

    I understand your relief in the diagnosis and obviously, you are a concerned mother. I am also worried about my son's future independence, but I have seen my brother, also Aspergers, but never diagnosed, blossom from a very reclussive boy, grow to be a fine and gentle husband to his wife, hold down a fantastic career and they have a beautiful daughter. So there is hope!

  • Thank-you Intense and Crystal, your insights are greatly appreciated. I'm learning more each day, currently attend a workshop with other parents, starting a course next week and looking into further study in September. I'm of the opinion that knowledge is power and want to assist my son in anyway possible. But the most useful knowledge I feel is that of other people's experience which is why I feel this site is so valuable and I feel so lucky to be able to communicate with people with first hand experience so thank-you once again.

    You'll probably see me post random questions, I'm still very much a newbie but hope as time passes and my knowledge increases that one day I may be able to welcome and support others as you have me.

  • Hi - Intense makes a lot of good points.  You can help him a lot by understanding how autism affects him personally.  I think it's important to get a statement of educational needs, if you haven't already, so that he gets extra support at school.  I can understand you worrying about how things will turn out as the years go by.  I think the most important thing is to try as far as poss to give him the understanding + environment, whether at home, school or elsewhere, that is likely to benefit him the most.  In that way he shd be on his way to fulfilling his potential.  It's easier said than done but you are in a position to help with those things. Smile In the end, imo, all we want is to being happy/content etc.

  • Some people with Asperger's become more independent than others, it's not uncommon for high-functioning people to be with their parents at an older age than neurotypical people.

    There are options however.  If he obviously cannot manage independently there are things like support accommodation and he can get assessed by adult services as to what support he needs when you get to that stage.

    Perhaps you could get him some social stories and read some books to help you understand autism and work out what areas he needs support with that way.  Socialising is a big one though, because people on the spectrum can be naive and open to abuse (look up mate crime) and encountering hostility from saying the wrong thing.

    It's not all doom and gloom, some people on the spectrum have good careers and are independent, although there is likely to be a lot of underlying stress from attempting to fit in.