Published on 12, July, 2020
Background:MY 16 years old son has always been anti-social - since nursery until today. He was top 3 at secondary school of 1500 in Year 7. He had no friends and all teachers couldn't say enough good things about him. In year 8, he befrended some bad boys from school and became 3d from the bottom - literally. Teachers hated him. He was expelled. Remotely schoold for a year, briefly schooled in a "special" schoold and stopped going there by mutual agreement. When 14 he formed drugs interest based on peer presure. When15, he had problems with police, gang culture (small town in West middland ), was arested etc. He was sent to his granny for a couple of months and now he is back. He stopped with the gansta, split up with his bad friend, stopped having problems with the police and acquired a nihilistic point of view. He tried to kill himself last week. We talked to CAMHS and Early prevention:
- we think he is autistic but he cannot be diagnosed because he is out of the system now - no referral is possible from school.
- he is suicidal and we expect to try again any time soon - we are relifed he survived the week
- he is self medicating with weed as he is struggling with mental health - NHS says he is having drug issue (weed is not a drug for me) and cannot be diagnosed until he is off the weed.
The ask:
What help is avaialbe as a private route - NHS cannot recommend as they are just being NHS. On the other hand, we cannot navigate in the sea of internet sites. We found we can find private diagnostic center near us. However I don't know if he will survive the diagnosis before someone can help him.
sorry to hear about what your son is going through.
I went through similar at that age too. can he talk to someone when he feels really low? I found the access team really helpful for mental health, as they are 24/7. im also west midlands they have a number for each area I think. when at school I had to work with an agency called t3 for drug use because weed helped me too, but its seen as bad. CAMHS referred me onto an organisation called midlands psychology, autism specialists who I think have stopped now. There may be another place that your son could get referred to from CAMHS who could assess him,
getting a diagnosis really helped me, I was diagnosed at 16 after 2 suicide attempts. I think it would be very beneficial for your son, as it ca help make sense of things. I wonder if its worth considering engaging with the GP about autism but not disclosing info about the cannabis use, hopefully they would take him seriously and look at assessing him. its not a drug problem, its a method of coping but is just not recognised as so in this country.
I hope he starts to feel better soon
Thank you for sharing. CAMHS seem to have abandoned him. The early mental intervention want him off weed before they step in. He cannot get off weed as he needs some medication to cope. It's a visious circle.
I'm glad to hear that getting a diagnoses helped. He also does not believe he is autistic - he just thinks he is mentally ill. He has very strong nihilistic philosophy that he actively fuels with internet research - why keep living if everyone will die any way - so better die now, YOLO, Kurt Cobain etc. Nothing matters and since he does not believe to live longer that 20 - he can self destry with nicotine and drugs. He realises strongger drugs have negative impact on him so he agrees he will stiop them - but needs his weed to keep him straight. He smokes 2-3 days a week. I give him £10 a week - not sure what the market price for weed is but he tells me this is enough for 2 cigarettes.