Published on 12, July, 2020
My partners child has begun to struggle with going outside. She struggles with the noise of wind and gets upsets. Sometimes they are fine with it and other days they really struggle. I really want to be able to help and know the best way to handle the situation. I struggle to find help as I understand the spectrum is so so big. I guess in old terms they would be classed as high functioning. My other worry is that now she has the diagnosis she isn’t being encouraged to overcome the struggle where possible. I’m worried it will lead to a genuine fear of the outside that will only get worse. She is already starting to miss out on activities I know she would love and would love to be able to support both her and my partner in this. I am trying to do research and help as much as I can. any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
i think these things are about how you say something as much as what you're saying. You don't say how old your stepdaughter is, it's a bit difficult to know what to suggest without the age of the person concerned.
Thank you for your reply. Definitely will be a work in progress. Lots of things to try and ways of thinking about it.
Thank you for your response. I agree I don’t want to force her I guess I want to encourage her as much as possible. Lots of options seems to be a good way to go to relieve the sensory issues.
Thank you for your reply
Thank you for commenting. I do try and ask her what would work but in the moment she can be upset and before hand she won’t realise the full effect it will have on her. I like having lots of the options for her then hopefully she can pick the right one for that day.
I think it would be important to try to get her outside. But if shes forced too much and develops a more negative association with being outside then it'll be harder to overcome.
There was a study with college students (cant remember who did it or when). They had the students revise but told them to stop once they felt any negative emotions due to studying (stressed, bored, etc). Once they decided to stop they were told to read one more page. Over time the number of pages they were meant to read once bored was increased, then eventually the students were able to revise for longer without having negative feelings. Having the students stop when overwhelmed helped them from having a less will to start revisions later.
Maybe having your partners child go outside but tell her that she can go inside when she needs to, that way she wont feel trapped and then know she can be on her own terms.
Offering things to help with the sensory struggles. Maybe even some bribery (ex. 'if you come to the park with us then you can choose a movie')
Then of course '1 step forward, 2 steps back'
Given that wind is a feature of weather and that being able to go outside is a fundamental necessity for a meaningful life then encouraging a child who has difficulties seems to be the correct thing to do. A deep hood is a useful way of minimising the feeling of wind on the skin of the face and head and various headphones and earplugs can cut down the noise of the wind. I think that experimenting with ways of ameliorating the sensory problems of the outdoors is much better than having a child restricted to being indoors all the time. It is down to bargaining and making things as easy for her as possible rather than coercion.
My experience is that fears get worse the more often I'm exposed to them, and fade away if I don't have to do that thing for a long time. So making her go outside is likely to make the fear worse.
Why not ask what she needs and would like, make some suggestions of things like ear muffs, a head scarf etc and then walk away, don't put any pressure on her and talk to ther like she's an adult, young children appreciate it and can understand, it helps them feel they have agency. If you present a list of things, for her to choose from, she may feel she has to pick one and will clam up and say no and dig her heels in. Giving a child a sense of agency is so important not just for ND's for for all children, to often instead of feeling guided and protected through the path of life a child can feel as though they're on an enforced route march with an army parade ground sargent yelling intructions, that's not something we want to instill in anyones psyche.