Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. This is my first post. He appears to snap at everything when something isn't quite right, or when I ask him a question, he just speaks in a harsh tone. I don't mean he curses at me, but his voice is harsh and he'll growl. He's not like this in school, therefore it appears to be how he is at home with me, his father, grandmother, uncle, and a few close friends. I'm just so unhappy right now, and to be honest, I'm ashamed of how he can be and how I look to let him to be, but I don't know what to do. [edited by moderator]
it is common for autistic kids to be so overwhelmed and overly exhausted by school that they can't do much more at home. And if it's a safe place, they might just be completely authentic / raw / unhinged - let it all out.
Often, the best thing for them is to begin to give them space to just decompress and destress. But also give extremely advanced notices of transitions, even if its a "welcome home, we'll eat in 3 hours" and then a reminder when there's one hour and again when there's 15 minutes. This might seem extreme, but interruptions can often be like waking a sleepwalker.
As a parent, we have to become more hyper-vigilant about being dependable. Have a good think before committing to a yes or no. "Let mummy think about that for exactly 5 minutes" and then 5 minutes exactly, give your answer. You can even practice doing things like this, which will teach him how to respond when you ask a question. And then try small acts of respectfulness, which some day in the long future you'd like mirrored back. Knocking on a door, asking if they'd like an apple, and letting them in on plans. It can take time.
Now there is a difference between being respectful and not aiding a sense of discipline and growth. Only you know your child. x