Published on 12, July, 2020
I am the Mum of an autistic 17 year old girl, who was only diagnosed in 2022, following two suicide attempts.
She amazingly masked so well.
She is with CAMHS and currently on medication for her high anxiety. They are really nice people at CAMHS, but keep focussing on the anxiety, which I think is never going to be totally un control because of her autism.
She tries so hard to go to college, but the noises, smells and lots of people generally peak her anxiety and she either faints or throws up. As you can imagine, this becomes a vicious circle, as she then becomes anxious about fainting or throwing up.
Her attendance is not good at all and the college, whilst they have been good and made lots of adjustments for her are quoting the 'fit to study' policy and exclusion. She is very academic and achieves As and Bs in her mocks and did extremely well in her GCSEs (despite not going to school for the last 7 months of the final year). I think she has PDA.
It breaks my heart seeing her struggle each day, only to feel like she's failed at going in and she is really worried about keeping her friends, due to her not going in much.
Does anyone know of alternative options for her to do her A Levels, that doesn't involve going into big group settings. I have looked at the apprenticeship route, but that doesn't appeal to her. Like is there an online way, whilst we work on developing and desensitising her to day to day challenges?
Any guidance or advice would be much appreciated please.
Have you looked into online schooling options like InterHigh? I know someone whose child also struggled with the overwhelming sensory input in college settings, and online schooling was a game-changer for them. It allowed their child to learn at their own pace, in a calm environment. Maybe this could help your daughter focus on her strengths without the stress of being in a group. Plus, it might give her more time to work on managing her anxiety.
We had a similar situation and in the end our daughter did all her studies at home. Her teachers gave her a breakdown of each lesson on teams. Exams were done in school in a room on her own. It took a lot of perseverance as the school initially said it wasn't possible (and we were given all sorts of excuses) but we insisted that all the smells, noise, changes etc were too much for her to continue to come into school. I think it helps to find the teacher in school that really understands and is willing to think outside the box. Don't give up at the first hurdle (or second or third!)
remote classes?
thank you so much for this information and advice, I have found it really helpful. We have just been to the doctors to sign her off College for a couple of weeks and then we have half term. This will give her/us some time to think about what she needs. It will also give her a much needed rest from the constant anxiety she feels every day when trying to go to College but more times than not, finding she can't go in. Really interesting about the anti-anxiety medication, as she is on anti depressants at the moment, so you're right, they could be making it worse for her.
She's young. I wouldn't worry.
One of the biggest problems we face is that we mature a LOT slower than our peers. I must have been 5-8 years behind mine emotionally at 17. Unfortunately, my mother thought I'd get it together if she kicked me out to fend for myself. I would strongly advise against this.
I'm nearly 50 and working on finally going to Uni but only because I never had support and had to work non-stop to try and stay alive! I'm not too bitter! But I've achieved quite a good deal starting around 27 and am told I could start school at this point by working on a doctorate.
There are reasons dating back to early psychoanalysis as to why we mature slower, and it mostly has to do with a difference in how we internally access and use Language. We miss a lot of social cues, but we also aren't easily hypnotised by the masses.
It sounds to me like she needs real wisdom, guidance, rules for life. And I always suggest finding ADHD and Dyslexic friends who better understand us. Our ADHD friends might push us a little more than we would on our own, but they understand us.
I'd afford her time regroup from school. Then look into local crafters and makers, something to spark her interest. She doesn't have to make a career, just find things she can be creative with. She needs to feel like she succeeds at things and allowed time to begin delve into a bit of philosophy or psychology which will help her have a better understanding of the social world. Next, help her build a work ethic with anything maybe a few times a week.
One problem is often just a lack of exposure to what the world can offer and where she might fit into it. And once we have a vision for what we might be able to offer, we need practical advice, step-by-step as to how to reach that goal.
Lastly, there is a great deal of medical research out there finding that Autistics and ADHD'rs have biological anxiety, which is made worse by society. Anti-Anxiety medication can help, but anti-depressants will make it MUCH worse due to these drugs being designed to target different things in the human body. However, Anti-Anxiety medication shouldn't be a long-term solution, but a back up for days when one needs clarity to Problem Solve whatever is driving the anxiety. I use it when there's a song in my head looping to infinity and I can't sleep. The Problem is the brain is supposed to have a good deal of this "police force" of inhibition, shutting the party down. They're called GABA inhibitors and the medical findings say we have much less than our Non-Autistic peers. I have found that taking a nootropics supplement daily (with Lions Mane and Reishi) is one of the best long-term solutions. I've been taking them since 25, I'm better focused and they help with diet, as they target the same things as Anti-Anxiety medication, but aren't addictive. It's like eating mushrooms daily. So, salad
Would recommend, but as something to try in replacement. Not to take together.
yes I think you're right.
This is great information, thanks very much Sleep Now in the Fire
indeed. escalate. if that doesn't work, escalate again and again .... This isn't the time for 'nice', or anything like that.
There are a number of online providers which you'd probably have to pay for. However its hard learnt fact that if you bang the drum enough you can eventually get stuff.
There are many drums to bang to get your point across. OFSTEAD the local council the local MP, Mims Davis disability minister, Kemi Badenoch (spelling)? is the equalities minister. All things the principal and management staff will want to avoid and its amazing what can be done to avoid unfavourable publicity.
You should easily be able to achieve online home learning (for non practical courses obviously) attendance would likely be required for examinations however separate rooms could be made available (at uni people went to a small room off the side of the library for extra time etc.
Its a sad fact but the work place like schools are not set up for ASD people and we need to scrap for anything. On a side note there is always the open university and bin off A Levels all together. They are top notch at student support especially people with all sorts of disabilities and cannot do enough. plus the whole institution is set up to be distance learning. (full disclosure I'm and OU Student)
Thanks very much AuTriker
Yes it is possible to do A-levels online. Not sure if you'd have to pay though. I don't know much about it other than that I googled it for language learning a while back, but as I do not need the qualification I went another route as I did not want to pay for a qualification I don't need. I think you'd have to talk to someone else about funding as I know nothing there.