Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter is 25, she is really going through a horrible phase. She hates her brother (20 years). He is only home weekends as he is in the army and she spoils our quality time together. She hates his girlfriend and tells her so. We have tried all strategies but she still spoils every weekend. She thinks we all hate her and exclude her but she makes it clear she doesn’t want to spend time with us when he is home.
This weekend it was his birthday. As usual we all go out for dinner but she said she wasn’t coming as “she” was going. With this she then flew into rage as we all still went. She told us she hopes we fall into a hole and die and she will manifest us all getting food poisoning. When we came home she was speaking to somebody on the phone and telling them we was going to try and get her sectioned admittedly I said I am going to try and speak to somebody and get them to see her as I don’t know what to do
I feel really hurt and feel her behaviour is out of control. She is ruining a close family. She is hateful towards us and yet so nice to everybody else!!
NAS92112 said:She hates her brother (20 years). He is only home weekends as he is in the army and she spoils our quality time together. She hates his girlfriend and tells her so.
Have you found out why she has such a strong feeling about them? It may be worth asking about it in as neutral a way as possible as there may be some event or treatment that has triggered this that you are not aware of.
Siding with your son over this is going to make things worse so you may need to find a way to keep them separate and spend time with both separately. It is a pain but in the short term the easiest way to preserve the relationships all round.
If your daughter is not forthcoming with an explanation then I would ask your sons girlfriend about it while you are alone and try to get insight this way. There has to be something.
It could be a jealousy thing (eg he used to be her responsibility as a big sister but now the girlfriend is "stealing" him), a nasty arguement they had or some event that ended badly.
I would suggest speaking to them individually with the others absent to get the best chance of a honest answer.
Once you understand the root cause of the anger you can consider if there is a way forward to bring everyone to the negotiating table to agree a ceasefire.
Is she at uni? modern university is a factory for pushing out hate driven people.