Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, first time poster, thanks for letting me join the community.
My wife and I have 3 children - 2 daughters (1 who turns 13 next month, and the other who is 17), and 1 son (age 19).
Both our son and our youngest daughter have received a diagnosis of autism in the last few years. Whllst our youngest daughter is struggling somewhat at the moment as her diagnosis is recent, we our coping with her issues to some degree.
The main problem is our son:
* He pretty much stopped attending school when he was 14. We later found out from the teachers at the school that he had been going missing during lessons and hiding away in the toilets (something they initially denied was happening). He also did walk out of school on several occasions, and on one occasion walked 3 and a half miles home rather than stay in the school building.
* We attempted to get some help for him and he was later placed under the care of a tutor in additional education provision. He struck up something of a rapport with the tutor, and whilst his educational attendance still suffered (his GCSE results were terrible), this provision was a help to him. Unfortunately it ceased when he reached the end of his schooling.
* He agreed to attend the local college to attend taster courses, but then when the time came he reneged on this agreement.
* He has also been given diagnoses of Dyslexia, ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression.
Since then, he has been pretty much a shut in. He likes playing computer games to the point of obsession. We did have a break from this when his PS4 console broke irreparably, but then after a few months he started playing the same games on his mobile phone, and then eventually last year he bought himself a PS5 console with money he received from a Child Trust Fund when he had turned 18.
He barely leaves the house now. We did get him to come to Scotland for a weeks holiday last July, and he attended his sister's 17th birthday at a restaurant last July, but apart from that has been nowhere. He even missed the funerals of both of his paternal grandparents last year.
We have a dog, and he loves her, but she was attacked a few years back, and because of this does not want the dog to go out for walks - he has forbidden myself and his mother to take the dog out (we have to sneak her out occasionally when he is sleeping).
His sleep pattern is appalling as is his diet (and this is coming from somebody with a bad diet).
His personal hygiene has also now started to suffer. Up until the last few months he took showers and changed his clothes regularly (he actually used to take an age getting a shower, it was a nightmare if he got in the bathroom and you needed the loo). Now however, he refuses to shower and change his clothes. He uses deodorant sprays to mask the smell (it doesn't work, he smells like vomit).
If you ask him to take a shower, take the dog for a walk, change his clothes, be quiet during the night when he's playing his computer games, you're met with either a 'No' or a volley of abuse.
He's a big strong bloke, and to be frank I'm a little afraid of him. We had a disagreement over something last year and he pushed me over, and it was, I imagine, like being hit by a car
He wont accept any medical help, or psychiatric help, or talking therapy, as in his words 'none of it works'.
I and my wife, and the rest of the family are at a loss. We need to help him, but we don't know what to do. He's existing at the moment, not living.
I'd appreciate any help , advice or guidance available.
Many Thanks.
I wonder whether, given his age, you could tentatively broach the possibility of a supported living arrangement (via the council?) This would give you respite and compel your son to take more responsibility. As I don't know your son and his needs, I have no idea if this would be appropriate, but it might be an option.