Published on 12, July, 2020
My 12 year old daughter has been in autistic burnout for about a year. She has not been in school for 10 months and probably won't return.
Previously a high academic achiever, loved reading and art but now will only play video games as her special interest. Struggles to leave her room. Won't allow us to bathe her, wash hair, clean teeth. She doesn't see the point in getting up in the mornings.
We have done everything suggested to us, CBT, OT Ed Psych, SALT and there is no change.
We believe she is depressed but we don't know how to get her help as CAHMS won't get involved as they say it is due to her autism and she is not self-harming or suicidal.
We feel like we have nowhere else to turn.
Has anybody had a similar experience? What helped?
We are thinking about medication for depression but we don't know who can help us? Private Psychiatrist maybe?
Chiming in a little here, is she interested in coding her own? Video games aren't always a special interest. They can be a practical and worthwhile solution to de-stressing. The content of a video game might be of interest, such as architecture or gardening, or problem-solving a thing in particular. As mentioned in the thread below, some games can aid healing, some can become addictive, some grow critical thinking skills and when my son was young, I noticed adventure games helped him with reading (dyslexic). It can be difficult for kids to understand why they're captivated and drawn to a thing. The important question is if it's inspiring or therapeutic.
As a mother, I have reinforced my son take a full day off once a week to do nothing and just be (we are not human doings but human beings). It doesn't always happen, but he will let me know if there's a day he's tapping out. This reinforces self-care and a part of self-care still involves cleanliness and self maintenance. Promoting time out for self-care is not so much self-indulgence (which isn't bad in moderation),but an important role in thriving. Self care also means minding food which is healthy for me (which might be toxic to someone else, not everyone can eat the same things), hydration, exercise, maybe a daily multi vitamin and connecting with nature in some small way. So, if she's tapped out of school, swimming or yoga - or whatever she likes, a few times per week. Allow her to choose, and change her mind until she finds a thing she enjoys (maybe you already do this).
However, the desire for these things, is always triggered by experiencing the reward. And that takes time, patience and practice.
At 14, my son was just emo. I let him be him. I could sense his struggles, but didn't quite know all of them, so I tried to help find ways to relieve pressures. However, I did expect small things and this was important. He wanted to play piano, so he would have to practice scales for just 10 minutes at least 3 days a week. I set the expectation at something which didn't feel overwhelming, and he would always end up playing for at least an hour. Making ones bed is pointless. But it's this odd simple discipline that can help us actually learn to just do a thing even though it's boring. (My son is much older and quite enjoys the aesthetic of a made bed) One doesn't really need to wash their hair but once a week. So ask what day she would prefer to do this. She might protest, but this is normal for a teenager, just kindly respond by reinforcing self care. You might even agree, but still gently reinforce matters that will someday matter, or ones of great consequence like brushing ones teeth.
We create an aesthetic for our world with even the smallest things. And over time, we learn to appreciate this. The taste of my toothpaste is more enjoyable than when I wake up. So perhaps see if you can sit together on the internet and find a clutch of different toothpaste's to try (if anything, you'll be stocked for a year). Rotting teeth cause a great deal of problems and expense. Better to spend a little bit of money turning this ritual into an exploration than the expense of a dental hazard.
Self-Care has to be the full process or it won't help her fully recover. It sounds like she went at 110% for a serious period of time and needs help learning to prioritise Health first, then Work. From what I'm reading, Anti-depressants don't sound necessary? And for many autistics they might do more harm than good, as they lower GABA, responsible for gut-brain health, which I've found in recent research to be something Autistics and ADHD'rs can already have too low of levels.
JuniperFromGallifrey said:but unless she's coding her own, video games aren't a special interest.
I don't think that's fair. If a cinemaphile isn't making movies does that mean film isn't a special interest? If a clasical music enthusiast isn't playing or composing clasical music does that make it not their special interest? I've never animated an anime but I love the stuff. Collect it, watch it often. Colecting and apreciating artistic works (which video games certainly are) can be a special interest as much as films or music.
That said everyone should learn to code (as important as reading these days) and 12 is certainly not too young to start coding your 1st game ... might not be a bad idea if she's interested in that.
You have a fair point. I could word that better. I'm on the fence because while they can have a therapeutic aspect, they also have an addictive side. And some far more than others. They can be created a bit like machines in Vegas. Music and the cinema can be therapeutic as well, but what would an addiction look like? It feels like a grey area - even though, I'll admit, an audiophile can get a job as a Music Supervisor or Music Editor, a classical enthusiast also has good options. And jobs in video games pay really well. I know teens who've been paid to play games.
These are also things made to touch the human experience, and can be of deep / intense interest to anyone. Perhaps I'm being too particular about the term "special"?
With kids, it can be important to help them discover what it is in particular they are drawn to and maybe it is the whole of the experience - animation, composition, movement and philosophy. An intense interest is captivating, but also motivating. Inspiring. And while when young, we might be so engrossed we forget we desperately need the loo, something which inspires, which we connect deeply to, shouldn't override a few minutes of personal hygiene. And mum shouldn't be asking if we need antidepressants.
I'll fix the generality of this, though. An escape from a complete shutdown can become an addiction if not tempered correctly. I'm a firm advocate of affording uninterrupted time - sometimes months if needed. But also helping children learn to mind health and well being.
Honestly, I probably thought who wouldn't google "why some video games are addictive"? (again, not all)
Anyway, I'm not here to scare mum, just try to help think bigger and look at some positives and negatives. I love video games. But I'm not 27 or younger. I am aware that my idea of video games like 8-bit Zelda or Amanita Design or Monument are incredibly soothing & have ends, stopping points, things which frustrate the user and help us put it down for a minute. I'm biased.
I had no idea some were addictive until I started having conversations with the younger generation on the matter.
And.. I was also a 12 year old female who didn't want to do things which were of consequence and self-care. I'd end up either hyper-focused or lost in my imagination with one irresponsible (undiagnosed ADHD) parent and another who who just patiently ho-hum "sadly, sometimes we'd have to do things we didn't want to do so, come along... I hate them too." the second one helped. We'd never have to 'do it now' but at some point during the day, make this happen. They were happy to remind me if need be.
I mean if there are a load of studies my feeling is you could probably have cited one.
you’ll forgive me but I’m somewhat sceptical about any study that says this is an addiction because I’ve seen a particular pattern in someone’s brain activity. Again correlation is not causation. I dare say there’s a study out there saying that sneezing and orgasms have similar patterns of brain activity. After all they’re both involuntary reactions to stimulation.
identifying addiction is still very much a behaviour observing game as I understand it.