• Replies 14 replies
  • Subscribers 71 subscribers
  • Views 1999 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Advice if possible please

Lau

My child is at Autistic unit in a mainstream school, the aim is to integrate the children into the mainstream and move them out of the unit. I’ve fought each time it’s been discussed and managed my child to continue full time in the unit. School are at a stage where they agree that it wouldn’t be the best decision for him to be in the mainstream at the moment but they can’t keep him full time in the unit for the remainder of primary years. All of the children in his class spend time in mainstream. So his week isn’t predictable and more children join the class as others move in mainstream full time. There has been so many days my sons is in meltdown and I can’t get him in the car, resulting in him missing days at school. He’s carried into school each day by myself or a teacher.

There are fully specialists schools in our area they have specialist staff. The classes would have the same children daily and the focus isn’t entirely on the curriculum and they focus on sensory needs also. A lot of the children are non verbal or have physical disabilities.

My child has got language but doesn’t speak in sentences. He’s able to answer simple questions but teachers and myself often wonder if he’s understanding the meaning of the question. He will answer a question with things that happened in the past. He mimicks others and has echolia. School have said that they know he is masking and try to support him with that. They are not good at supporting toilet training and this is something we struggle with at home too. He also does not eat when he’s at school. He’s very sad before & after school and says he doesn’t want to school, school is not good but he isn’t able to elaborate on that further due to his lack of language. He struggles with the other children and has 1 person who he calls his friend but when we have met this child outwith school my son is very anxious around him and wants to leave. 

I have mentioned the specialist school to my sons teacher who says my son should continue to work on his verbal communication where he currently is, as at the specialist school there is non verbal children and physically disabled children and my son wouldn’t have the level of interaction with other children and it’s best to continue to progress his language. 

Does anyone have any advice? I am really stuck on what to do. I think there is so much focus on speaking that every other need my child has  almost doesn’t seem important to the school. 

  • in reply to Lau
    Lau said:
    Do you think if you had a fully specialist school you would have been more supported and have less trauma? 

    Probably, but children with less overtly recognisable autism were not even recognised when I was a child. 'Asperger's-like' autism was only really addressed in educational settings from the mid 1990s onward. My selective mutism was ignored after my teacher learned that I spoke in an age-appropriate way at home. However, though school was traumatic for me for some of the time, it did eventually make me more able to socialise with larger groups of people, in a 'sink or swim' manner. 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    I don’t feel confident that I would be any good at it. I become dysregulated easily and would worry I wouldn’t be able to manage.

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I completely agree that they are encouraging masking. I don’t believe the want them to be authentically themselves. Even though they say they do want them to be comfortable and happy.

    When he comes home he either retreats and hides or he’s so over stimulated he’s bouncing off of the sofa and running around all over the place or he’s emotional and upset. It’s hard to prepare as I don’t know how he will be. When I speak to school they will say he was really happy leaving no sign a of any of the behaviours he had when he gets home. It’s like a switch as soon as he sees me he can be himself. 

    I will read up on auditory processing and see if I can make a link. Thank you for the suggestion and all of the links too. 

  • in reply to Homebird

    School says he seems settled after a while and gets on with the school day. His teacher agrees that he masks a lot and he’s trying to support him. He said he can’t always tell what he’s feeling or thinking. His teacher is experienced and my son does like him. He tells me he likes him. 

    My son has terrible night terrors so bad he wakes up covered in sweat screaming. He began to have them this year. He isn’t able to tell me what they are about though. He will say things later on in the day or the week after and I try to link It up but it’s hard to work out.

    Thank you 

  • in reply to Martin

    My eldest son has been out of school for several years now due to trauma from mainstream. I know it all too well. He was completely burnt out and couldn’t be there. Which I fully accept. He was given specialist provision last year but he has only attended a handful of times. 

    I felt as my youngest was in a unit it should have been able to meet his needs but he’s so unhappy. 

    When I was speaking with the school they said your options are keep him at home or bring him in every day. I can tell they find me a problem due to my reactions by lifting him into school. I’m not happy about it and I make that clear to school. 

    It’s hard when you’re up against school and professionals Who have one view and I have another.

    Do you think if you had a fully specialist school you would have been more supported and have less trauma? 

  • in reply to Lau

    From personal experience, I can say that being stressed and forced to socialise beyond my capacity was a form of torture. I eventually developed an ability to cope with school, but I never enjoyed it. It was always a place I feared, hated and loathed - though the 6th form was less unpleasant than the rest. I was so traumatised by starting infant school at four and a half, that I was selectively mute at school for three months. However, I remained very talkative at home. In that first year I had to be quite literally dragged to school, it was so unpleasant for me. No, I do not think that stress has any beneficial effect on autistic children, if they are habitually in social situations they find overwhelming the result is meltdowns and shutdowns, not increased abilities to socialise.

  • Lau said:
    School have said that they know he is masking and try to support him with that.

    It sounds to me as if they are encouraging him to mask by trying to force him to communicate in a way that he is clearly not comfortable with. That will be incredible stressful for him and potentially damaging.

    My natural style of communication is not by speech. I taught myself to read at an early age and have always been much happier communicating in writing. Throughout my school years I had several teachers who were determined to try and make me speak. I became so anxious when attending their lessons that I developed lifelong situational mutism.

    It is only in recent years that I have realised that auditory processing difficulties have contributed a large part to my lifelong problems with understanding spoken communication. I wonder if your son also has these difficulties, as you say you wonder if he understands the meaning of the question. What I do subconsciously is to memorise what people say and then repeat it back to myself in my head until I can eventually process it. However that means I miss anything they say subsequently. Even now years later communication by speech remains very stressful for me and I do not do it unless I absolutely have to.

    I agree with Martin that the school should be communicating in a way that your son can understand. How is he supposed to learn otherwise? The world will seem a very scary and alien place when he is constantly forced into meaningless and pointless interactions.

    Lau said:
    a bit of stress and be pushed but it’s not healthy for everyone to be in that environment daily. 

    I absolutely agree. If they continue to push him on a daily basis like this he will learn that school is a very negative thing, that has happened already it seems. I find it somewhat disturbing that any child has to be forcefully carried into school. School trauma, burnout and longer term anxiety and mental health difficulties are all likely outcomes.

    Some useful online articles and resources:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/attendance-problems/parents

    https://www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/school-attendance/

    https://www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/2022/11/26/the-wrong-environment-for-a-child/

    https://theautisticadvocate.com/2018/01/an-autistic-education/

  • Hi. Firstly I wanted to say I feel sad for your son, especially with the amount of change and wouldn't personally be happy with my son being carried into a place he feels unhappy in. My son has struggled with getting into school and staff said they were not aware of problems because he was good at masking. However he then had problems like night terrors as a result. In regards to understanding questions I can empathize with that. My son used to say yes when he didn't understand.

    If he doesn't have an EHCP that is something I would look into.

    I am presuming as he is in a unit the teacher is experienced in working with autistic children and has tried different strategies.

    You mention Sensory needs. I would make a note of anything you think might be helpful. I also wonder if there is anything set up for him if he feels overwhelmed. From personal experience a lot of the trying to understand the problems is like detective work, trying to work out what in particular is difficult. Are the sensory needs to do with noise, smell etc? 

    Sorry no specific suggestions and from experience a lot of it is guess work. Hoping you are able to work out some things that help or the school can agree on something that is more settled for him.

  • in reply to Lau

    school say it’s healthy to have a bit of stress and be pushed but it’s not healthy for everyone to be in that environment daily. 

  • in reply to Martin

    They focus of the unit is primarily on speech and socialising with peers. He uses pecs in school for his time table, he uses a now and next board to break down his day and pecs to help him locate things in class and he uses language but the teacher has said he has found it difficult to pick apart the meaning of what he is saying at times. 

    Im not sure how to introduce an electronic device or if that is something he would like as at home he associates pecs with school and I use pictures to show him what/where we are going, doing, eating etc.

    Im not even sure if school would support him to use that. My son can say a wide variety of words but putting all those words together isn’t something he can do yet and sometimes will just agree with you or say the word “nothing” as he doesn’t want to keep the conversation going as he finds the interaction uncomfortable or to demanding or pointless well that’s what I read from that. 

    It’s hard to not feel incredibly judged by educational staff as I’ve requested the level of socialising is scaled back and schools response was he seems to enjoy having more children around especially at PE and group time. I said I think it may appear like that but what I see of him more able to hide behind the bigger personalities during those times and there’s not alot of focus directly on him. They said that could be true also. 

    I just wonder if he would be better suited at a specialist school but then he wouldn’t be around the same amount of verbal children. It wouldn’t be easy to get into the specialist school it would be a battle and there no guarantee he would get a place. 

    I just feel there is so much time for language and socialisation in the future I just want him to go to school and be comfortable and supported. Not overstimulated and stressed every day.

  • Has anyone tried non-speech based methods of communication with your child? Some autistic adults with little or no ability to speak use electronic devices or sign language to communicate. It seems to me that your son's school are rather fixated on the spoken word and on integrating children into the mainstream, rather than finding ways in which your son can communicate effectively. It is evident that your son dislikes his present school, perhaps in part due to having ever-changing classmates - change can be very distressing for autistics. As far as I can see, your son appears not to be benefitting much from his present school's regime.