Advice if possible please

My child is at Autistic unit in a mainstream school, the aim is to integrate the children into the mainstream and move them out of the unit. I’ve fought each time it’s been discussed and managed my child to continue full time in the unit. School are at a stage where they agree that it wouldn’t be the best decision for him to be in the mainstream at the moment but they can’t keep him full time in the unit for the remainder of primary years. All of the children in his class spend time in mainstream. So his week isn’t predictable and more children join the class as others move in mainstream full time. There has been so many days my sons is in meltdown and I can’t get him in the car, resulting in him missing days at school. He’s carried into school each day by myself or a teacher.

There are fully specialists schools in our area they have specialist staff. The classes would have the same children daily and the focus isn’t entirely on the curriculum and they focus on sensory needs also. A lot of the children are non verbal or have physical disabilities.

My child has got language but doesn’t speak in sentences. He’s able to answer simple questions but teachers and myself often wonder if he’s understanding the meaning of the question. He will answer a question with things that happened in the past. He mimicks others and has echolia. School have said that they know he is masking and try to support him with that. They are not good at supporting toilet training and this is something we struggle with at home too. He also does not eat when he’s at school. He’s very sad before & after school and says he doesn’t want to school, school is not good but he isn’t able to elaborate on that further due to his lack of language. He struggles with the other children and has 1 person who he calls his friend but when we have met this child outwith school my son is very anxious around him and wants to leave. 

I have mentioned the specialist school to my sons teacher who says my son should continue to work on his verbal communication where he currently is, as at the specialist school there is non verbal children and physically disabled children and my son wouldn’t have the level of interaction with other children and it’s best to continue to progress his language. 

Does anyone have any advice? I am really stuck on what to do. I think there is so much focus on speaking that every other need my child has  almost doesn’t seem important to the school. 

Parents
  • School have said that they know he is masking and try to support him with that.

    It sounds to me as if they are encouraging him to mask by trying to force him to communicate in a way that he is clearly not comfortable with. That will be incredible stressful for him and potentially damaging.

    My natural style of communication is not by speech. I taught myself to read at an early age and have always been much happier communicating in writing. Throughout my school years I had several teachers who were determined to try and make me speak. I became so anxious when attending their lessons that I developed lifelong situational mutism.

    It is only in recent years that I have realised that auditory processing difficulties have contributed a large part to my lifelong problems with understanding spoken communication. I wonder if your son also has these difficulties, as you say you wonder if he understands the meaning of the question. What I do subconsciously is to memorise what people say and then repeat it back to myself in my head until I can eventually process it. However that means I miss anything they say subsequently. Even now years later communication by speech remains very stressful for me and I do not do it unless I absolutely have to.

    I agree with Martin that the school should be communicating in a way that your son can understand. How is he supposed to learn otherwise? The world will seem a very scary and alien place when he is constantly forced into meaningless and pointless interactions.

    a bit of stress and be pushed but it’s not healthy for everyone to be in that environment daily. 

    I absolutely agree. If they continue to push him on a daily basis like this he will learn that school is a very negative thing, that has happened already it seems. I find it somewhat disturbing that any child has to be forcefully carried into school. School trauma, burnout and longer term anxiety and mental health difficulties are all likely outcomes.

    Some useful online articles and resources:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/education/attendance-problems/parents

    https://www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/school-attendance/

    https://www.jodiesmitten.co.uk/2022/11/26/the-wrong-environment-for-a-child/

    https://theautisticadvocate.com/2018/01/an-autistic-education/

  • I completely agree that they are encouraging masking. I don’t believe the want them to be authentically themselves. Even though they say they do want them to be comfortable and happy.

    When he comes home he either retreats and hides or he’s so over stimulated he’s bouncing off of the sofa and running around all over the place or he’s emotional and upset. It’s hard to prepare as I don’t know how he will be. When I speak to school they will say he was really happy leaving no sign a of any of the behaviours he had when he gets home. It’s like a switch as soon as he sees me he can be himself. 

    I will read up on auditory processing and see if I can make a link. Thank you for the suggestion and all of the links too. 

Reply
  • I completely agree that they are encouraging masking. I don’t believe the want them to be authentically themselves. Even though they say they do want them to be comfortable and happy.

    When he comes home he either retreats and hides or he’s so over stimulated he’s bouncing off of the sofa and running around all over the place or he’s emotional and upset. It’s hard to prepare as I don’t know how he will be. When I speak to school they will say he was really happy leaving no sign a of any of the behaviours he had when he gets home. It’s like a switch as soon as he sees me he can be himself. 

    I will read up on auditory processing and see if I can make a link. Thank you for the suggestion and all of the links too. 

Children
No Data