Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I'm new to this board and am hoping to get some advice or at least empathy.
My older son is 4 1/2 and in reception class. He is just starting the process of getting a diagnosis. I suspect he has Aspergers, he is very high functioning and miles ahead in some areas (reading, numeracy, sertain sepcial interests, but disinterested and behind in others (mostly social / self care / emotional). He is in mainstream school and has a statement which mostly focusses on his speech and language needs.
Our problem at the moment is toilet training. We agreed with the school that it was an aim for this year, during his statement review. Unfortunately this seems to have translated in the school's mind to putting him immediatley in pants. Everything i know / feel is telling me it is too soon, that he has no understanding of the feeling of needing to go, and that we are setting him up for failure. He is very sensitive and will only try something he thinks he can do - so I worry that trying too soon could set us back months and months. I'd prefer to introduce things more gradually, taking him to the toilet frequently and waiting until he is dry for an hour or two before moving him into pants. For example, on saturday i took him to the toilet every 30 minutes without fail, and he was still weeing in between - so I don't think he has the ability to hold his bladder at all. He also can't yet get his own trousers up/down so surely he's not ready yet?
I've tried to talk to the school but they're not really listening, and I feel fobbed off.
What can I do to protect him, and has anyone got any tips about toilet training for a young child with autistic spectrum behaviours?
I'm just so frustrated, its hard enough trying to explain how hard he finds school on a normal day without any additional challenges. He is very good in school but is stressed out and takes it out on us when he comes home - big tantrums, screaming, kicking, breaking things and refusing to eat. I just can't seem to get through to them how distressed he can be because he just doesn't show it at school, because he doesn't feel safe enough there.
Help!
thank you both for your replies.
He has been in pants all day, been to the toilet every 30 minutes according to the sheet I asked them to fill in - and yet they have gone through 4 sets of pants, 2 sets of trousers - claimed he had 5 wees on the toilet but only gave him one sticker.
Gah! If they're not going to be consistent with the routine at the very least then what hope?!
He does seem ok tonight though - more resistant than normal to visiting the toilet at home, but not upset or kicking off, so maybe we can carry on until the end of the week and see how he is.
I'm supposed to be keeping him in pants in the evening too but I have actually run out of clean ones for him so I couldn't if I wanted to.
We're having a night of favourite TV and taking things very easy.
Good ideas on writing to them and involving those who are assessing him - unfortunately noone is involved yet as the school are still completing the forms. Usually they are very good on forms etc so i'll wait and see. I did speak to the SENCO who was kind but also took the same line, so I think they're going to need to try a week or two to be proved wrong.
My poor boy though, at least he doesn't seem that bothered by it. As long as he can carry his trains around he's pretty happy to be put on and off the toilet.
just so fed up with the constant struggle over everything. We also have an 18 month old who (so far) seems NT, and things are just so much easier for him. He doesn't have that burning star of super-intelligence like my older one has, but he does play with other children, love singing, and is able to be flexible within reason too. Things are going to come so much easier for him, and I wish I could make the world easier for my eldest too, it wouldn't take a lot to make a big difference to him.
OK, i'm ranting now, its great to be able to come on here and let off steam so thanks for being there!