Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I'm new to this board and am hoping to get some advice or at least empathy.
My older son is 4 1/2 and in reception class. He is just starting the process of getting a diagnosis. I suspect he has Aspergers, he is very high functioning and miles ahead in some areas (reading, numeracy, sertain sepcial interests, but disinterested and behind in others (mostly social / self care / emotional). He is in mainstream school and has a statement which mostly focusses on his speech and language needs.
Our problem at the moment is toilet training. We agreed with the school that it was an aim for this year, during his statement review. Unfortunately this seems to have translated in the school's mind to putting him immediatley in pants. Everything i know / feel is telling me it is too soon, that he has no understanding of the feeling of needing to go, and that we are setting him up for failure. He is very sensitive and will only try something he thinks he can do - so I worry that trying too soon could set us back months and months. I'd prefer to introduce things more gradually, taking him to the toilet frequently and waiting until he is dry for an hour or two before moving him into pants. For example, on saturday i took him to the toilet every 30 minutes without fail, and he was still weeing in between - so I don't think he has the ability to hold his bladder at all. He also can't yet get his own trousers up/down so surely he's not ready yet?
I've tried to talk to the school but they're not really listening, and I feel fobbed off.
What can I do to protect him, and has anyone got any tips about toilet training for a young child with autistic spectrum behaviours?
I'm just so frustrated, its hard enough trying to explain how hard he finds school on a normal day without any additional challenges. He is very good in school but is stressed out and takes it out on us when he comes home - big tantrums, screaming, kicking, breaking things and refusing to eat. I just can't seem to get through to them how distressed he can be because he just doesn't show it at school, because he doesn't feel safe enough there.
Help!
Awww poor lad! I really feel for him. It sounds like you really understand him and his issues and it must be really frustrating for you to not have the school listen to you.
All I can suggest is you try again with the school, is there a sympathetic staff member you can talk to? Reiterate how he kicks off at home, how the stress of school is affecting him. If no one will listen perhaps put it in writing to the head teacher/SENCo?
It's so sad that our children who are academically do so well get so little support at school. If your child is doing well academically the school don't seem to want to help.