Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya
I'm not really sure how to write this post but I need some advice and as much as I'm hoping that no one is/has been in the same/similar situation......I'm hoping that someone could help me.
Has any parent been through the special guardianship route of their step child......in a domestic abuse setting?
My step son is now 16 but I have been his mum for the last 5 years, I am currently fighting for a diagnosis (for the last 5 years after his father has just put his behaviour down to 'naughtiness'), I have literally done everything.....put support in place at school etc. After 4 years of mental abuse and financial abuse towards both myself and my step son, I plucked up the courage to kick him out, but have since found out lots of information from various people. Anyway....we have a family support worker and because the child has been conditioned to not get his dad into trouble with the professionals.....the support worker has said she can't do anymore with regards to investigating domestic abuse because it hasn't come from the child. This is a child who can not vocalise his feelings and does not understand emotions....she has said that unless he vocalises something she won't take it any further....despite the fact that she has seen first hand the impact contact with his father does to him. How can I explain to him that what his father is doing to him (not physically but mentally and financially) is wrong and he needs to speak up and say it. There must be a way that professionals can see and understand that there is abuse happening without the child actually vocalising it if they are unable to?????
NAS88278 said:the support worker has said she can't do anymore with regards to investigating domestic abuse because it hasn't come from the child. This is a child who can not vocalise his feelings and does not understand emotions
Does the child have a therapist helping them with their autism?
If so then I would ask the therapist to try to establish how they can build a case to take to social services that explains to them that their default approach is worthless for people who cannot vocalise like others.
Without a diagnosis this will be hard to prove so you may need to see if you can get this through private channels.
With your son being so conditioned it will be incredibly hard to undo this - your main weapon is being a good step-parent and provide them with the safety and respect they deserve.
Long term therapy will likely be needed to deal with the abuse issues here and it unfortunately looks like you won't be able to do anything through the normal channels. If you know some shady types who may help make the father less present then this is an alternative, but not one I could publically condone of course.
NAS88278 said:How can I explain to him that what his father is doing to him (not physically but mentally and financially) is wrong and he needs to speak up and say it.
He will be going from one father figure telling him what to do - to another telling him the other guy is bad. If you try this approach he will likely shut down and block you as he doesn't know who to trust.
Offering a safe space and a willing ear is most likely to get results, but the therapy is where the real healing will be done.