Published on 12, July, 2020
My son was diagnosed with autism about 18 mths ago, since then he's been aggressive abusive isolating himself from his entire family he says he hates us all, he sleeps all day and wakes up at night and cooks his own meals he refuses to speak to me, I'm so worried. He's seeing a psychiatrist but that's not helping at all ,I'm at my wits end he's 15 I'm so worried he's going to end up hurting himself has anyone else experienced this any advice would be much appreciated thankyou .
He's 15 and cooks for himself!! LOL you must be doing something right!!
My son is 26 now, but at 15 he did appreciate cooking things on occasion. One new flavour profile or ingredient would slowly expand his palette. Most kids are going through something at this age, life is shocking enough. They're coming to terms with a maddening world around them.
I would just make myself available to my son when he needed me. Make sure he was hydrated and fed. My father (undiagnosed autistic) would buy him the new and improved hand-held Nintendo device. We'd bond over going to the game shop or whatever he appeared interested in in the moment. Sometimes out for a walk with no requirement to talk. Sometimes just watching something together.
Autism sets a whole new perimeter of values which can be complicated if you're not neurodivergent yourself. I can guess it would be a struggle. It's sometimes the knowledge of being different that bears down on the self and is reinforced with a sense of inability to survive a world which is already too much.
I'm always a little hesitant to ask what another parent is implicating when they say their child is abusive. It's somewhat out of context. We have a role and responsibility toward them. And at 15, there's so much they don't understand. They might be acting on instinct, rather than having all the complexities of maturity and grounded education to allow Reason to temper the human-animal Instinct. So he might very well be reactive, responsive, impulsive. But an abuser is someone who would be better suited behind bars. Abuse is quite a weighted word, if said in public, it would be wise for the police to make a call round. At this age, he might be out of control. And when you add the autistic difference with communication, he will feel like a foreigner in his home land. He will have missed a great deal of important information on how to just get along in society.
It may be that you buy him books or games and bottled water and make sure he's getting proper nourishment and then let him be. Allow him to emerge and come to you, who is a source and a safety he can depend on for now. If he were a wounded puppy, we'd leave things available for him to heal and feel safe, and let him hide under the sofa for a year until he felt safe again. Humans need healing and rest and when they find a sense of ground, they can actually emerge stronger.
These are all good points. Sometimes our children need space and time before they are willing or able to accept help from us. If you’re anything like me you’ll be desperate to help your son - but sometimes we just have to leave them in peace and be patient.