Coping with my emotions as a parent of a late diagnosed daughter.

Hi- I am 25 and was diagnosed a few month ago as autistic. I’ve struggled with repeated burnouts and anxiety, depression, issues with food (ARFID) for a while now- I also wish I had been diagnosed sooner. 
I hope you can let go of the guilt because there is no reason to be. I am sure that you are a very supportive mum and that probably gave your daughter a lot of stability growing up- that’s what it was like for me actually, except that sadly as we grow older even mum superpowers can’t sort out all our issues. 
My mum also knew I was different from a young age and like you she tried to make me see different as something positive - it worked for a while but with school and growing up I became more aware of just how ´different’ I was and it became harder. 

I can relate to feeling frustrated at the system and professionals. I still struggle to understand how despite seeing so many professionals over years , noone noticed... I was even inpatient for 8 weeks (and really struggled as I felt so ‘different’) and noone picked up on me being autistic. In the end it was my dietitian who suspected that I might be autistic and that resulted in me seeking out diagnosis. What helped me is that I actually contacted some of the professionals I saw over the years to tell them about my diagnosis- I didn’t want to point the finger at anyone / but I realised that the issue most likely is lack of understanding and training about autism and never getting feedback ie. if they never get told I am autistic how will they ever know they missed something when they saw me... I sent some emails and made a few phone calls. I got only one responsend none from the others. Not sure it made any difference but it made me feel better.

Also I just want to say that it’s important to also take care of yourself- you mention your daughter always being centre stage - i can relate as while struggling over the years i have put a lot of pressure on my mum and I am still very reliant on her for emotional and practical support. I feel bad about all the anxiety and stress I am generating. I just feel that it is very important you also protect yourself when necessary- I am glad when my mum does this for herself sometimes- i can get so caught up in my worries and the stress that i can find it hard to not spread it to mum.

Hi- I am 25 and was diagnosed a few month ago as autistic. I’ve struggled with repeated burnouts and anxiety, depression, issues with food (ARFID) for a while now- I also wish I had been diagnosed sooner. 
I hope you can let go of the guilt because there is no reason to be. I am sure that you are a very supportive mum and that probably gave your daughter a lot of stability growing up- that’s what it was like for me actually, except that sadly as we grow older even mum superpowers can’t sort out all our issues. 
My mum also knew I was different from a young age and like you she tried to make me see different as something positive - it worked for a while but with school and growing up I became more aware of just how ´different’ I was and it became harder. 

I can relate to feeling frustrated at the system and professionals. I still struggle to understand how despite seeing so many professionals over years , noone noticed... I was even inpatient for 8 weeks (and really struggled as I felt so ‘different’) and noone picked up on me being autistic. In the end it was my dietitian who suspected that I might be autistic and that resulted in me seeking out diagnosis. What helped me is that I actually contacted some of the professionals I saw over the years to tell them about my diagnosis- I didn’t want to point the finger at anyone / but I realised that the issue most likely is lack of understanding and training about autism and never getting feedback ie. if they never get told I am autistic how will they ever know they missed something when they saw me... I sent some emails and made a few phone calls. I got only one responsend none from the others. Not sure it made any difference but it made me feel better.

Also I just want to say that it’s important to also take care of yourself- you mention your daughter always being centre stage - i can relate as while struggling over the years i have put a lot of pressure on my mum and I am still very reliant on her for emotional and practical support. I feel bad about all the anxiety and stress I am generating. I just feel that it is very important you also protect yourself when necessary- I am glad when my mum does this for herself sometimes- i can get so caught up in my worries and the stress that i can find it hard to not spread it to mum.

Hello Ann, 

My daughter has said to me that she worries that she is too much and doesn't want to drain everyone who cares about her. We have started to set some boundaries and I am getting better at recognising when I can postpone a conversation and when she really does need to talk until 2.00am. 

I have told my daughter that I see her as a strong and brave woman who does not see what she gives back to others. The reason we continue to invest in her is because we love her deeply. Neurodiversity brings with it some incredible positive aptitudes. I am looking forward to her finding a place where these are really celebrated. 

Only, yesterday, we had a chat about me getting some 121 support. As the saying goes "if you want to help others; you have to look after yourself first". 

Thank you