Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel totally frazzled by my daughters behaviour, which seems to be getting worse. I've thought there was something a little different about her from the age of 2, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Anyone out there with experience in Autism in girls, please could you have a read of my notes below and see if you can relate to any of this behaviour? Not sure where to go with this - hope she grows out of the behaviours, seek help etc.
Here are her little quirks:
Yes, All of these sound like the young autistic mind attempting to navigate a world they are a mismatch for! Sorry you are frazzled.
The Autistic mind can be capable of great articulation, but once they have a PhD or equivalent. We can sense cause and effect, and sense-perceive with a greater intensity, it's part of our structuring. Jung used to simply call those of us who didn't have added obvious disabilities "introverted". Highly sensitive, abstract thinkers, who need fundamental ground-up teaching. Essentially, her senses can perceive extremely well, well beyond what she currently has the education to match. This will cause great frustration. Help her with identifications. She may have difficulty accessing the words to describe what she can understand in her imagination.
As a mum, the few tips I was given going in were this: never take offence, if I did, I would lose trust immediately. My job is to protect and nurture. Never force-feed. Our gut and taste are keenly connected, our biology will tell us if something is not right or if we're not able to eat something. Children will eat when they're hungry, feed them as natural as possible - fruit is packed with vitamins and often a more enjoyable sweetness than sugary processed foods. Most Autistics have extremely limited diets, not by choice. For instance, I cannot have most grains except white rice - no ancient grains even. I cannot digest legumes (including the peanut which is a bean, not a nut) or brassicas which are all related to the mustard family. I've come close to death a few times from being force fed when young. It's better for me to have a handful of nuts/seeds and juice, a little yogurt, and a small salad with salmon - this might be all I have in a day. I'm nearly 50 and it's worked well. Jane Goodall lived off bananas for years at a time, also a perfect food. We do not need to eat the way humans consume in modern life. And I cannot eat chicken unless it's organic, or apples, or grapes. Things have been modified and injected to the point where I can't even chew through some of this stuff and many things are depleted of vitamins when modified beyond it's natural state and grown in mineral-depleted soil.
I'll help explain some of these
EH123 said:Very rigid in her expectation
Most likely she has a whole world of expectations which have already played out in some way in her imagination. These impact our sense-perception and when we then follow-through and have a continuity in life with our perceived intention, it creates a structured sense of Grounding. When she is older, this translates into being dependable. Meaning, if I've said we'll have coffee on Tuesday at one, you can trust I will be there.
We need pre-planned dependable adults who can show us how this attribute works best. For instance, I ask my son shall we go ice skating next Saturday? I walk him to our calendar and help him write it in. Then, on Friday, we look at the schedule and I ask him what he thinks we'll need. Shall we put together our clothes and skates for the morning that night? These are tasks which successful, dependable people do. Nurture this.
Plans don't always go as expected. But because I never say yes or no unless I am 99% certain I can follow through, the odd time a thing doesn't go as planned, it is easier to understand. Even if I'm on the phone, I used to pause a conversation and give my young son an exact amount of time - I want to listen, can you give me 10 minutes? And then always make a point at minding that. This helps a great deal.
EH123 said:Struggles to settle in a new environment
When we can sense-perceive everything all at once (we cannot dull our senses like our Non-Autistic peers), new environments are really difficult. I need a great deal of time to adjust when I go somewhere new. I cannot be dragged about. This means, I stay at the same hotel or with the same individuals when I go somewhere for work. I now limit where I go. I used to block in extra days to find a cafe with good coffee and spend a few days in just that location in order to acclimate a bit. If you go to a hotel, give her time to learn her surroundings. Bring a book and first spend a few hours allowing her to touch surfaces, to turn the taps on and off, to have a sense of 'Command' of her environment. NOTE: I will now bring an E24 halogen with me for bedside lamps. unnatural lighting is quite painful and de-stabilising. See: lightaware.org.
Her Senses can be crafted to become highly skilled. But not when they're being overwhelmed by too much at once. Sounds, smells, balance, the impact on our feelings from our imagination, which is part of interoception. Balance, sensing the weather, altitude, the things of Physics - these can be nurtured talents.
With so much happening in the brain all at once, it can feel like chaos. So something spoken might get lost. A messy desk will add to the confusion. If I don't focus on one thing at a time, I can fall down the stairs or cut myself. I become a hazard.
Never interrupt - afford her time to focus. This may be MUCH longer than you would engage with a thing, but she is capable of getting to know all the detail. Allow this. We need humans who can do this. Interruptions, to me, feel like waterboarding. They are like waking a sleepwalker. We cannot just turn our brains off or on. There is a lot of science behind this. We meditate through Flow-State, hyper-focus. Uninterrupted engagement. have a look at Monotropism.
As for language, buy her encyclopaedias. By sheer votes in various communities, Autistics when they are old enough tend to really appreciate Irony, but shirk at 'humour'. Most of us cannot find dressed up whinging or others misfortunate accidents funny. If the world is a stage, you'll find autistic individuals in the lighting booth and building the machines & sets, detailing intricacies to keep continuity. We might be good at acting, but we're not directing or writing the script or in the audience or promoting the comedy.
Hopefully this sums everything! I'd shy away from trying to answer a question you don't exactly know. She'll trust you far more if you spend time negotiating through a process and finding the right answers. Always to her benefit, never to her detriment. My GP has suggested I eat small bits throughout the day rather than large meals. I allowed my young son to eat when he was hungry and just left a few carrots or apple slices lying around for him to reach throughout the day. My grandmother did this with my father and us, her grandchildren, just left cut up fresh veg, fruit and nuts available in the kitchen. My son is in his 20s and now eats for England. Ha!
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed and concise response. It really helps to see it from the point of view of someone who has direct experience with Autism. Really appreciate you taking your time to respond - some great tips in there too.
EH123 said:Deepthought said:Oh ~ and just as matter of caution, the third community rule states: Thank you! Totally missed that. Now changed :-)
Deepthought said:Oh ~ and just as matter of caution, the third community rule states:
Thank you! Totally missed that. Now changed :-)
Nice one! Image wise and all.
Also ~ just as a follow up to your listings and JuniperFromGallifrey's rather splendid explanations ~ the thing about addressing the same thing repeatedly, is basically because the many facets of the situation or situations being considered, which also involves different states of mind disengaging and re-engaging until the neurological networks integrate effectively on the matter in question ~ with an overall conceptualisation eventually getting arrived at.
Some states of mind will sometimes find particular explanations incompatible and just shut down, with another taking over as a compensation, keeping in mind we autistic types tend to contemplate the nature of things rather than just blindly asking about them and being content with the answer ~ particularly if fitting in socially is not something we are particular good at in terms of just going along with the normative social flow, which often involves social exclusion and the need to be somewhat cautious about knowing the ins and outs of being included or excluded.
Basically, just as there are seven colours, seven notes and seven crystals, there are seven states of body and mind as being rational, sentimental, communicational, emotional, imaginal, reproductional and sensational sensibilities, so repeated questions will involve the mechanics of which until they have got the issue sussed, unless of course a restriction or obstruction (i.e., an inhibition) of reasoning has occurred ~ so knowing this can help us to navigate our explanations to better facilitate, identify and affirm their reasoning process or processes, particular if we can help them suss things out in three goes or else enjoy the journey of going through the sensibility spectrum with them, perhaps.
EH123 said:Purchased, thank you!
Oh I am so glad ~ it would have made life so much easy if that book had come into my mother's possession in the seventies, what with all the frazzledness going on and all that for me as well as everyone else.
EH123 said:I'm all for educating myself, whether she turns out to be on the spectrum or not. (I obviously suspect she is)
I think your suspicions are very much indeed warranted.
Oh ~ and just as matter of caution, the third community rule states:
Profile pictures/avatars and usernames should not use full names or images of real people. They should not include the NAS logo or include the word ‘Mod as this profile is used by the moderation team. If your profile does not comply with this rule, you may be contacted by our moderation team to request an amendment or your profile or avatar may be reset.
Hence we all use singular or alternative names or nick-names along with abstract representations of ourselves or images we prefer otherwise to be identified by ~ mine for instance is that I am into metaphysics (the philosophy of addressing the meaning and purpose to life; the universe and everything) and that I can spend so much time contemplating or communicating about it or something in particular that I get stuck up to my neck in things that I should have otherwise gotten done!
Deepthought said:You might find reading The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood particular useful as it addresses everything you have described, and explains the developmental norms from preadolescence to p
Purchased, thank you! I'm all for educating myself, whether she turns out to be on the spectrum or not. (I obviously suspect she is)
You might find reading The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome by Tony Attwood particular useful as it addresses everything you have described, and explains the developmental norms from preadolescence to post adolescence that those of us with Asperger's Syndrome (otherwise known as Type 1 Autism involving minimum support requirements as compared to Type 2 (moderate) or Type 3 (severe) support requirements) tend to need ~ to lesser or greater degrees ~ at least initially.
The better we are facilitated, identified and affirmed in respect of our individuality in our earlier years ~ the better we do in our later years, which is as much true for those of us who are neurologically divergent as it is those who are neurologically atypical or typical.
If the suggested book is too much of a manual ~ there is the simpler version called 'Asperger's Syndrome: A Guide for Parents and Professionals' by Tony Attwood again, which might be a more viable read perhaps.