Published on 12, July, 2020
I feel totally frazzled by my daughters behaviour, which seems to be getting worse. I've thought there was something a little different about her from the age of 2, but couldn't quite put my finger on it. Anyone out there with experience in Autism in girls, please could you have a read of my notes below and see if you can relate to any of this behaviour? Not sure where to go with this - hope she grows out of the behaviours, seek help etc.
Here are her little quirks:
Yes, All of these sound like the young autistic mind attempting to navigate a world they are a mismatch for! Sorry you are frazzled.
The Autistic mind can be capable of great articulation, but once they have a PhD or equivalent. We can sense cause and effect, and sense-perceive with a greater intensity, it's part of our structuring. Jung used to simply call those of us who didn't have added obvious disabilities "introverted". Highly sensitive, abstract thinkers, who need fundamental ground-up teaching. Essentially, her senses can perceive extremely well, well beyond what she currently has the education to match. This will cause great frustration. Help her with identifications. She may have difficulty accessing the words to describe what she can understand in her imagination.
As a mum, the few tips I was given going in were this: never take offence, if I did, I would lose trust immediately. My job is to protect and nurture. Never force-feed. Our gut and taste are keenly connected, our biology will tell us if something is not right or if we're not able to eat something. Children will eat when they're hungry, feed them as natural as possible - fruit is packed with vitamins and often a more enjoyable sweetness than sugary processed foods. Most Autistics have extremely limited diets, not by choice. For instance, I cannot have most grains except white rice - no ancient grains even. I cannot digest legumes (including the peanut which is a bean, not a nut) or brassicas which are all related to the mustard family. I've come close to death a few times from being force fed when young. It's better for me to have a handful of nuts/seeds and juice, a little yogurt, and a small salad with salmon - this might be all I have in a day. I'm nearly 50 and it's worked well. Jane Goodall lived off bananas for years at a time, also a perfect food. We do not need to eat the way humans consume in modern life. And I cannot eat chicken unless it's organic, or apples, or grapes. Things have been modified and injected to the point where I can't even chew through some of this stuff and many things are depleted of vitamins when modified beyond it's natural state and grown in mineral-depleted soil.
I'll help explain some of these
EH123 said:Very rigid in her expectation
Most likely she has a whole world of expectations which have already played out in some way in her imagination. These impact our sense-perception and when we then follow-through and have a continuity in life with our perceived intention, it creates a structured sense of Grounding. When she is older, this translates into being dependable. Meaning, if I've said we'll have coffee on Tuesday at one, you can trust I will be there.
We need pre-planned dependable adults who can show us how this attribute works best. For instance, I ask my son shall we go ice skating next Saturday? I walk him to our calendar and help him write it in. Then, on Friday, we look at the schedule and I ask him what he thinks we'll need. Shall we put together our clothes and skates for the morning that night? These are tasks which successful, dependable people do. Nurture this.
Plans don't always go as expected. But because I never say yes or no unless I am 99% certain I can follow through, the odd time a thing doesn't go as planned, it is easier to understand. Even if I'm on the phone, I used to pause a conversation and give my young son an exact amount of time - I want to listen, can you give me 10 minutes? And then always make a point at minding that. This helps a great deal.
EH123 said:Struggles to settle in a new environment
When we can sense-perceive everything all at once (we cannot dull our senses like our Non-Autistic peers), new environments are really difficult. I need a great deal of time to adjust when I go somewhere new. I cannot be dragged about. This means, I stay at the same hotel or with the same individuals when I go somewhere for work. I now limit where I go. I used to block in extra days to find a cafe with good coffee and spend a few days in just that location in order to acclimate a bit. If you go to a hotel, give her time to learn her surroundings. Bring a book and first spend a few hours allowing her to touch surfaces, to turn the taps on and off, to have a sense of 'Command' of her environment. NOTE: I will now bring an E24 halogen with me for bedside lamps. unnatural lighting is quite painful and de-stabilising. See: lightaware.org.
Her Senses can be crafted to become highly skilled. But not when they're being overwhelmed by too much at once. Sounds, smells, balance, the impact on our feelings from our imagination, which is part of interoception. Balance, sensing the weather, altitude, the things of Physics - these can be nurtured talents.
With so much happening in the brain all at once, it can feel like chaos. So something spoken might get lost. A messy desk will add to the confusion. If I don't focus on one thing at a time, I can fall down the stairs or cut myself. I become a hazard.
Never interrupt - afford her time to focus. This may be MUCH longer than you would engage with a thing, but she is capable of getting to know all the detail. Allow this. We need humans who can do this. Interruptions, to me, feel like waterboarding. They are like waking a sleepwalker. We cannot just turn our brains off or on. There is a lot of science behind this. We meditate through Flow-State, hyper-focus. Uninterrupted engagement. have a look at Monotropism.
As for language, buy her encyclopaedias. By sheer votes in various communities, Autistics when they are old enough tend to really appreciate Irony, but shirk at 'humour'. Most of us cannot find dressed up whinging or others misfortunate accidents funny. If the world is a stage, you'll find autistic individuals in the lighting booth and building the machines & sets, detailing intricacies to keep continuity. We might be good at acting, but we're not directing or writing the script or in the audience or promoting the comedy.
Hopefully this sums everything! I'd shy away from trying to answer a question you don't exactly know. She'll trust you far more if you spend time negotiating through a process and finding the right answers. Always to her benefit, never to her detriment. My GP has suggested I eat small bits throughout the day rather than large meals. I allowed my young son to eat when he was hungry and just left a few carrots or apple slices lying around for him to reach throughout the day. My grandmother did this with my father and us, her grandchildren, just left cut up fresh veg, fruit and nuts available in the kitchen. My son is in his 20s and now eats for England. Ha!
Sorry this is long! Also, have a look at www.yellowladybugs.com.au