10 yr old asd/adhd

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. Hugely appreciated x

I just wanted to send my best wishes to you as reading your message on here brought back memories of when my children were a similar age and the struggles they experienced (they are both autistic - my youngest was diagnosed at about 10 years old and my eldest is only just going through the process of an assessment in his mid-twenties).

For my youngest the experience of school really was so difficult - made harder by the fact that he also had selective mutism which we struggled to get help for him most of the time. 

I know how hard this is and I’m sorry. There isn’t as much support as there should be - and in most cases you’ll always be having to be extremely motivated and determined to get the right help in place for your child. I hope you are lucky and get good, informed and compassionate staff supporting your child.

Also - for me the silver lining has been that I’ve managed to maintain a really good relationship with my son throughout. Despite the challenges he faced in school he always knew that I was on his side and we always had good communication and worked together to do our best to make life as good as it could be for him. 
Take care of yourself too - because there’s no doubt that dealing with schools and trying to get our children the support they need can be exhausting and very emotional. So do take care of your own health and well being too.

Good luck x

Thank you so much.  The support in this community is wonderful and really helped so much.

I really hope you get the support and diagnosis you need for your boys. The waiting is really hard. Although I struggled initially with the assessment/diagnosis stage it's really been a blessing in getting him the support he needs at school.

I can completely relate to the over analysing and doubt.

Take care too xx

Hi, I can relate to how you feel and have myself been feeling overwhelmed and anxious for my boys over the last few months.  My children are aged 9 & 10, the eldest just sat his 11+ and we are looking at secondary school options for him.  My 9 year old is in year 5 and since going back after the summer hols, he is struggling and stayed home for 1 day last week which worried me.  
We are awaiting a private assessment which will be in a couple of months time.  I'm struggling with this waiting period as I just want to know if and what the diagnosis will be.  It seems my youngest is more ADHD in his behaviours and my eldest more ASD.  To say they clash is an understatement.  

I was at the school this morning to ask the class teacher to complete the assessment forms for my children.  I found this really difficult and I was quite emotional.  I also spoke to the teacher about my concerns for secondary school choices.  I'm so grateful that he was really supportive and understanding and told me I'm doing the right thing with the assessment.  I really needed to hear this as I've been doubting myself and over analysing every little thing.  

My eldest finds it really hard to talk to me and open up if something is bothering him.  It all got too much for him this weekend and he was crying before bed time & managed to tell me he feels stupid for a couple of recent incidents at school and a birthday party.  He's not a naughty kid, but I know he hates getting told off or being criticised.  

I just think I need more support myself sometimes and it does help when I know others are having similar experiences or worries.

Take care, it sounds like you're doing everything you can. 

Thank you so much Homebird. I really appreciate it. I've never posted anything before, I cannot thank you all enough for the support x

My son now in Secondary found year 6 a challenge. Things change when they are the youngest at secondary and changing classes gives a bit of a break.

My son says the medication helps him concentrate at school. The dose has been changed after discussion on reviews and I understand there is more than one alternative. I presume he is with CAMHS and that they will want to see him sometime to review this. If they haven't I wonder if you could ask for an appointment.

Melatonin didn't make any difference here. We have just tried various things to help get to sleep. My son now has time in his room listening to music before turning in a fan. The noise of the fan helps him get to sleep.

The other thing that helps is exercise, so joining active clubs at school may be helpful.

My son has an EHCP and it includes things like helping him to keep on track and also structuring tasks in stages. One of the things he finds difficult is organising himself. We have for several years had to make sure he has everything. If he has difficulty in school we have made school aware and at times his year group TA has helped him. We have found it important to have email addresses for staff, so we can contact where help is needed. We also have at least two of everything as he often loses things. We always have a supply of rulers etc. two ties etc.

The most important thing is that you are there to help him with his problems and be his advocate and help him to organise himself. I note you mentioned tech. My son has a drink and snack and goes on his tech. when he comes home to unwind.

Also might be worth seeing if you have any parent groups in your area for those with neurodiverse children who may be able to advise on local schools.

Secondary schools may have options like a card to leave a lesson if he needs a break. My son has struggled with reactions to others particularly if provoked. This is something he has had to work on but is getting better at walking away.

He often says he doesn't see the point in things. It is hard sometimes with the things they find hard. It can be hard at Secondary age but often Secondary Schools seem to be more understanding of managing ADHD.

Lastly make sure you get some time to unwind and relax yourself as it takes a lot to be constantly supporting.

Hi Alisha, thank you so much for your support and kind words too. I needed that from you and Annie today. We have a few schools in mind, 2 mainstream and a third specialist provision.

Our sons preference is a relatively new school which I think is adding to my anxiety because we don't know much about it and I fear they may not have everything established. That said the sendco was positive, although did seem a strong advocate for medication (in terms of helping them cope). They say that they are a strict school which is not a bad thing but I am terrified that he won't be able to conform quick enough and with teachers not knowing him he will be sent out of the class. He's not rude, but can be disruptive to learning by talking and if provoked can have big reactions. When overwhelmed he is now starting to get angry but then falls apart to apologize because he knows he was angry but couldn't hold back. He has chosen this school because is it the closest to home and sees that he can get there and home quickly. For us the closeness is a pro should we have to get to him quickly.

The sendco told.us that she rarely offers many enhanced transition days and likes students to begin with a fresh start. Apparently they have a sen team but it is likely if he has support he won't realise it's for him in the effort to be discreet and not make a child stand out unnecessarily. If there's a problem she advised that she works on a priority of need basis so may not tackle straight away. She was very honest with us which was refreshing in one way, but in another doesn't really ease concerns. 

Our other choices involve travel which I think is putting him off. He fears that he would be late ( has huge fear of being late to anything)

He is desperate to do the right thing and I am so worried that if he was consistently picked up for disruption he will start to believe that he is naughty and it could undo all the work we have done over the years and wreck his self esteem further.

At his current school his yr 6 teacher has said that her style very much reflects that of the secondary environment. He has never had an issue of wanting to leave school, but asked if he could go to another school for the first time, so something isn't working.  We think he is frightened of getting told off and as it appears to be happening everyday and it's making him really unhappy.

He has a 1 to 1 in the morning who tells us he is doing well, but he has cried everyday when getting home since the start of this term ( which he has never done) Saying he gets told off everyday and that the class is so strict. I keep hoping he just needs time to settle but it breaks my heart.

specialist provision is very oversubscribed so I have a feeling our need won't be considered high enough. 

I think because we have to now apply for secindary schools and with the issues at the start of this year it's thrown me into complete fear of what's to come. With the intense reaction to the meds ( although I appreciate we did stay on them long ). I am just so fearful of what the future holds.

Sorry - this was much longer than I expected to write!

If it all goes wrong we would take him out and home educate but that also brings its own considerations. I just feel overwhelmed.

I very much appreciate the words of support and it helps so much to know that we are not alone x

Thank you Annie, it really helps to get others perspective who can understand. I really appreciate the advice and kind words x

Hiya,

It's a positive that you have worked out what is causing his behaviour, that's the first step.

It's natural for you both to be anxious about him starting secondary school. Have you decided on a school or are you choosing out of a few? I would suggest arranging a meeting with the AEN department and taking your son along if he wishes to be involved. where they can discuss what they can put in place for him. For example, they might be able to provide a quiet space where he can calm down, a pass which means he can wander when he can't focus on a task.

Make him aware that at secondary school there will be more people like him and the school can make changes to help him succeed. 

YOU HAVE NOT LET HIM DOWN! Sounds like you are absolutely incredible with him, he is very lucky to have such a supportive mum. 

P.S. i found secondary school a lot easier, they are far more aware of how to help with disabilities and they can make some really helpful accommodations.

Good luck and keep us updated

Alisha xx

As for schooling I do not exclude unschooling for a period if needed. I know it is not the best option but it is a plan B especially for kids learning on their own, leaving socialization to extra scholar activities... I am, however as you do, always looking for new school options.. amazingly I still find some I hadn't heard of once in a while. I look for small groups with diversity and orientated at emotionnal education. Quite difficult to find!!!     

Annie, thank you so much for taking the time to reply.  I really appreciate it x

I deeply relate, my son is 11 and same thing is happening as conciousness develops and at the same time others enter teenagerhood with "herd mentality". I always knew teen years would be the hardest bit to overcome but expected it to arrive a bit later. The way I deal with my own anxiety for the future is to plan great "out of routine" week-ends. So we both relax and enjoy things he likes to do like small trips, changing context, taking a boat or whatever. No clue what the future will bring for him BUT neither for other "normal" kids so enjoying present is the best I could find..