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10 yr old asd/adhd

NAS82319

Hello everyone,

I hope you can put an anxious Mum at ease. My son has been diagnosed with asd/ADHD since he was 7. He's been in a mainstream primary and on the whole he has done really well. At home he is a delightful chap, chatty, fun loving and very into his tech. He's never presented with destructive behaviour. He mainly has big reactions to things and struggles with social skills, although he says he has friends, there is no one child he socialises with. 

So far the school have been great, but now he's in year 6 they are preparing them for secondary school and he is struggling with the expectations and strict rules.

The teacher is firm but fair so can't really blame the school but my heart is breaking seeing him struggle so much. He is starting to see himself as the naughty child because he cannot stay on task without getting distracted. He also can't emotionally regulate so emotions are big over small decisions, or when things don't go his way. His self awareness is kicking in and he has noticed that some of the children his age are starting to move away. As he is getting older his frustration is starting to turn to anger. He's also started saying that he doesn't see the point of learning, being asked to do things he has no interest in. 

Not being able to see him cry anymore, and not knowing how to help him we tried some ADHD meds to see if that would help. Sadly I felt unable to continue them as they seemed to make him worse; bringing on agression, agitation, headaches and he couldn't sleep at all and that was at the lowest dose. We had very recently just got him sleeping through the night too. I can't lie, we only lasted a few days on the medication because the reactions were so intense. He slept barely an hour as he was so awake, and we didn't really want to get into giving melatonin as well to counteract the stimulant. 

All of this has triggered immense anxiety in me about secondary school. It is unlikely that we would get a specialist setting with such high demand, but also I'm not sure he would fit there. We've looked at all the schools in our area but to be honest none of them have made me feel reassured. 

I guess deep down, I'm just scared for the future.

I do apologise for the long post and appreciate that many people go through alot worse. I'm just making myself ill with worry. He's home with me today to try and catch up on the days of no sleep. I'm even second guessing that I may have let him down by not giving him the meds for longer, but it did seem to worsen the disregulation and we couldn't have sent him into school like that. Pensive

Parents

  • I just wanted to send my best wishes to you as reading your message on here brought back memories of when my children were a similar age and the struggles they experienced (they are both autistic - my youngest was diagnosed at about 10 years old and my eldest is only just going through the process of an assessment in his mid-twenties).

    For my youngest the experience of school really was so difficult - made harder by the fact that he also had selective mutism which we struggled to get help for him most of the time. 

    I know how hard this is and I’m sorry. There isn’t as much support as there should be - and in most cases you’ll always be having to be extremely motivated and determined to get the right help in place for your child. I hope you are lucky and get good, informed and compassionate staff supporting your child.

    Also - for me the silver lining has been that I’ve managed to maintain a really good relationship with my son throughout. Despite the challenges he faced in school he always knew that I was on his side and we always had good communication and worked together to do our best to make life as good as it could be for him. 
    Take care of yourself too - because there’s no doubt that dealing with schools and trying to get our children the support they need can be exhausting and very emotional. So do take care of your own health and well being too.

    Good luck x

Reply

  • I just wanted to send my best wishes to you as reading your message on here brought back memories of when my children were a similar age and the struggles they experienced (they are both autistic - my youngest was diagnosed at about 10 years old and my eldest is only just going through the process of an assessment in his mid-twenties).

    For my youngest the experience of school really was so difficult - made harder by the fact that he also had selective mutism which we struggled to get help for him most of the time. 

    I know how hard this is and I’m sorry. There isn’t as much support as there should be - and in most cases you’ll always be having to be extremely motivated and determined to get the right help in place for your child. I hope you are lucky and get good, informed and compassionate staff supporting your child.

    Also - for me the silver lining has been that I’ve managed to maintain a really good relationship with my son throughout. Despite the challenges he faced in school he always knew that I was on his side and we always had good communication and worked together to do our best to make life as good as it could be for him. 
    Take care of yourself too - because there’s no doubt that dealing with schools and trying to get our children the support they need can be exhausting and very emotional. So do take care of your own health and well being too.

    Good luck x

Children