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10 yr old asd/adhd

NAS82319

Hello everyone,

I hope you can put an anxious Mum at ease. My son has been diagnosed with asd/ADHD since he was 7. He's been in a mainstream primary and on the whole he has done really well. At home he is a delightful chap, chatty, fun loving and very into his tech. He's never presented with destructive behaviour. He mainly has big reactions to things and struggles with social skills, although he says he has friends, there is no one child he socialises with. 

So far the school have been great, but now he's in year 6 they are preparing them for secondary school and he is struggling with the expectations and strict rules.

The teacher is firm but fair so can't really blame the school but my heart is breaking seeing him struggle so much. He is starting to see himself as the naughty child because he cannot stay on task without getting distracted. He also can't emotionally regulate so emotions are big over small decisions, or when things don't go his way. His self awareness is kicking in and he has noticed that some of the children his age are starting to move away. As he is getting older his frustration is starting to turn to anger. He's also started saying that he doesn't see the point of learning, being asked to do things he has no interest in. 

Not being able to see him cry anymore, and not knowing how to help him we tried some ADHD meds to see if that would help. Sadly I felt unable to continue them as they seemed to make him worse; bringing on agression, agitation, headaches and he couldn't sleep at all and that was at the lowest dose. We had very recently just got him sleeping through the night too. I can't lie, we only lasted a few days on the medication because the reactions were so intense. He slept barely an hour as he was so awake, and we didn't really want to get into giving melatonin as well to counteract the stimulant. 

All of this has triggered immense anxiety in me about secondary school. It is unlikely that we would get a specialist setting with such high demand, but also I'm not sure he would fit there. We've looked at all the schools in our area but to be honest none of them have made me feel reassured. 

I guess deep down, I'm just scared for the future.

I do apologise for the long post and appreciate that many people go through alot worse. I'm just making myself ill with worry. He's home with me today to try and catch up on the days of no sleep. I'm even second guessing that I may have let him down by not giving him the meds for longer, but it did seem to worsen the disregulation and we couldn't have sent him into school like that. Pensive

Parents

  • My son now in Secondary found year 6 a challenge. Things change when they are the youngest at secondary and changing classes gives a bit of a break.

    My son says the medication helps him concentrate at school. The dose has been changed after discussion on reviews and I understand there is more than one alternative. I presume he is with CAMHS and that they will want to see him sometime to review this. If they haven't I wonder if you could ask for an appointment.

    Melatonin didn't make any difference here. We have just tried various things to help get to sleep. My son now has time in his room listening to music before turning in a fan. The noise of the fan helps him get to sleep.

    The other thing that helps is exercise, so joining active clubs at school may be helpful.

    My son has an EHCP and it includes things like helping him to keep on track and also structuring tasks in stages. One of the things he finds difficult is organising himself. We have for several years had to make sure he has everything. If he has difficulty in school we have made school aware and at times his year group TA has helped him. We have found it important to have email addresses for staff, so we can contact where help is needed. We also have at least two of everything as he often loses things. We always have a supply of rulers etc. two ties etc.

    The most important thing is that you are there to help him with his problems and be his advocate and help him to organise himself. I note you mentioned tech. My son has a drink and snack and goes on his tech. when he comes home to unwind.

    Also might be worth seeing if you have any parent groups in your area for those with neurodiverse children who may be able to advise on local schools.

    Secondary schools may have options like a card to leave a lesson if he needs a break. My son has struggled with reactions to others particularly if provoked. This is something he has had to work on but is getting better at walking away.

    He often says he doesn't see the point in things. It is hard sometimes with the things they find hard. It can be hard at Secondary age but often Secondary Schools seem to be more understanding of managing ADHD.

    Lastly make sure you get some time to unwind and relax yourself as it takes a lot to be constantly supporting.

  • in reply to Homebird

    Thank you so much Homebird. I really appreciate it. I've never posted anything before, I cannot thank you all enough for the support x

  • in reply to NAS82319

    Hi, I can relate to how you feel and have myself been feeling overwhelmed and anxious for my boys over the last few months.  My children are aged 9 & 10, the eldest just sat his 11+ and we are looking at secondary school options for him.  My 9 year old is in year 5 and since going back after the summer hols, he is struggling and stayed home for 1 day last week which worried me.  
    We are awaiting a private assessment which will be in a couple of months time.  I'm struggling with this waiting period as I just want to know if and what the diagnosis will be.  It seems my youngest is more ADHD in his behaviours and my eldest more ASD.  To say they clash is an understatement.  

    I was at the school this morning to ask the class teacher to complete the assessment forms for my children.  I found this really difficult and I was quite emotional.  I also spoke to the teacher about my concerns for secondary school choices.  I'm so grateful that he was really supportive and understanding and told me I'm doing the right thing with the assessment.  I really needed to hear this as I've been doubting myself and over analysing every little thing.  

    My eldest finds it really hard to talk to me and open up if something is bothering him.  It all got too much for him this weekend and he was crying before bed time & managed to tell me he feels stupid for a couple of recent incidents at school and a birthday party.  He's not a naughty kid, but I know he hates getting told off or being criticised.  

    I just think I need more support myself sometimes and it does help when I know others are having similar experiences or worries.

    Take care, it sounds like you're doing everything you can. 

Reply
  • in reply to NAS82319

    Hi, I can relate to how you feel and have myself been feeling overwhelmed and anxious for my boys over the last few months.  My children are aged 9 & 10, the eldest just sat his 11+ and we are looking at secondary school options for him.  My 9 year old is in year 5 and since going back after the summer hols, he is struggling and stayed home for 1 day last week which worried me.  
    We are awaiting a private assessment which will be in a couple of months time.  I'm struggling with this waiting period as I just want to know if and what the diagnosis will be.  It seems my youngest is more ADHD in his behaviours and my eldest more ASD.  To say they clash is an understatement.  

    I was at the school this morning to ask the class teacher to complete the assessment forms for my children.  I found this really difficult and I was quite emotional.  I also spoke to the teacher about my concerns for secondary school choices.  I'm so grateful that he was really supportive and understanding and told me I'm doing the right thing with the assessment.  I really needed to hear this as I've been doubting myself and over analysing every little thing.  

    My eldest finds it really hard to talk to me and open up if something is bothering him.  It all got too much for him this weekend and he was crying before bed time & managed to tell me he feels stupid for a couple of recent incidents at school and a birthday party.  He's not a naughty kid, but I know he hates getting told off or being criticised.  

    I just think I need more support myself sometimes and it does help when I know others are having similar experiences or worries.

    Take care, it sounds like you're doing everything you can. 

Children
  • in reply to Nikmum

    Thank you so much.  The support in this community is wonderful and really helped so much.

    I really hope you get the support and diagnosis you need for your boys. The waiting is really hard. Although I struggled initially with the assessment/diagnosis stage it's really been a blessing in getting him the support he needs at school.

    I can completely relate to the over analysing and doubt.

    Take care too xx