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10 yr old asd/adhd

NAS82319

Hello everyone,

I hope you can put an anxious Mum at ease. My son has been diagnosed with asd/ADHD since he was 7. He's been in a mainstream primary and on the whole he has done really well. At home he is a delightful chap, chatty, fun loving and very into his tech. He's never presented with destructive behaviour. He mainly has big reactions to things and struggles with social skills, although he says he has friends, there is no one child he socialises with. 

So far the school have been great, but now he's in year 6 they are preparing them for secondary school and he is struggling with the expectations and strict rules.

The teacher is firm but fair so can't really blame the school but my heart is breaking seeing him struggle so much. He is starting to see himself as the naughty child because he cannot stay on task without getting distracted. He also can't emotionally regulate so emotions are big over small decisions, or when things don't go his way. His self awareness is kicking in and he has noticed that some of the children his age are starting to move away. As he is getting older his frustration is starting to turn to anger. He's also started saying that he doesn't see the point of learning, being asked to do things he has no interest in. 

Not being able to see him cry anymore, and not knowing how to help him we tried some ADHD meds to see if that would help. Sadly I felt unable to continue them as they seemed to make him worse; bringing on agression, agitation, headaches and he couldn't sleep at all and that was at the lowest dose. We had very recently just got him sleeping through the night too. I can't lie, we only lasted a few days on the medication because the reactions were so intense. He slept barely an hour as he was so awake, and we didn't really want to get into giving melatonin as well to counteract the stimulant. 

All of this has triggered immense anxiety in me about secondary school. It is unlikely that we would get a specialist setting with such high demand, but also I'm not sure he would fit there. We've looked at all the schools in our area but to be honest none of them have made me feel reassured. 

I guess deep down, I'm just scared for the future.

I do apologise for the long post and appreciate that many people go through alot worse. I'm just making myself ill with worry. He's home with me today to try and catch up on the days of no sleep. I'm even second guessing that I may have let him down by not giving him the meds for longer, but it did seem to worsen the disregulation and we couldn't have sent him into school like that. Pensive

Parents

  • Hiya,

    It's a positive that you have worked out what is causing his behaviour, that's the first step.

    It's natural for you both to be anxious about him starting secondary school. Have you decided on a school or are you choosing out of a few? I would suggest arranging a meeting with the AEN department and taking your son along if he wishes to be involved. where they can discuss what they can put in place for him. For example, they might be able to provide a quiet space where he can calm down, a pass which means he can wander when he can't focus on a task.

    Make him aware that at secondary school there will be more people like him and the school can make changes to help him succeed. 

    YOU HAVE NOT LET HIM DOWN! Sounds like you are absolutely incredible with him, he is very lucky to have such a supportive mum. 

    P.S. i found secondary school a lot easier, they are far more aware of how to help with disabilities and they can make some really helpful accommodations.

    Good luck and keep us updated

    Alisha xx

Reply

  • Hiya,

    It's a positive that you have worked out what is causing his behaviour, that's the first step.

    It's natural for you both to be anxious about him starting secondary school. Have you decided on a school or are you choosing out of a few? I would suggest arranging a meeting with the AEN department and taking your son along if he wishes to be involved. where they can discuss what they can put in place for him. For example, they might be able to provide a quiet space where he can calm down, a pass which means he can wander when he can't focus on a task.

    Make him aware that at secondary school there will be more people like him and the school can make changes to help him succeed. 

    YOU HAVE NOT LET HIM DOWN! Sounds like you are absolutely incredible with him, he is very lucky to have such a supportive mum. 

    P.S. i found secondary school a lot easier, they are far more aware of how to help with disabilities and they can make some really helpful accommodations.

    Good luck and keep us updated

    Alisha xx

Children
  • in reply to piggy1401

    Hi Alisha, thank you so much for your support and kind words too. I needed that from you and Annie today. We have a few schools in mind, 2 mainstream and a third specialist provision.

    Our sons preference is a relatively new school which I think is adding to my anxiety because we don't know much about it and I fear they may not have everything established. That said the sendco was positive, although did seem a strong advocate for medication (in terms of helping them cope). They say that they are a strict school which is not a bad thing but I am terrified that he won't be able to conform quick enough and with teachers not knowing him he will be sent out of the class. He's not rude, but can be disruptive to learning by talking and if provoked can have big reactions. When overwhelmed he is now starting to get angry but then falls apart to apologize because he knows he was angry but couldn't hold back. He has chosen this school because is it the closest to home and sees that he can get there and home quickly. For us the closeness is a pro should we have to get to him quickly.

    The sendco told.us that she rarely offers many enhanced transition days and likes students to begin with a fresh start. Apparently they have a sen team but it is likely if he has support he won't realise it's for him in the effort to be discreet and not make a child stand out unnecessarily. If there's a problem she advised that she works on a priority of need basis so may not tackle straight away. She was very honest with us which was refreshing in one way, but in another doesn't really ease concerns. 

    Our other choices involve travel which I think is putting him off. He fears that he would be late ( has huge fear of being late to anything)

    He is desperate to do the right thing and I am so worried that if he was consistently picked up for disruption he will start to believe that he is naughty and it could undo all the work we have done over the years and wreck his self esteem further.

    At his current school his yr 6 teacher has said that her style very much reflects that of the secondary environment. He has never had an issue of wanting to leave school, but asked if he could go to another school for the first time, so something isn't working.  We think he is frightened of getting told off and as it appears to be happening everyday and it's making him really unhappy.

    He has a 1 to 1 in the morning who tells us he is doing well, but he has cried everyday when getting home since the start of this term ( which he has never done) Saying he gets told off everyday and that the class is so strict. I keep hoping he just needs time to settle but it breaks my heart.

    specialist provision is very oversubscribed so I have a feeling our need won't be considered high enough. 

    I think because we have to now apply for secindary schools and with the issues at the start of this year it's thrown me into complete fear of what's to come. With the intense reaction to the meds ( although I appreciate we did stay on them long ). I am just so fearful of what the future holds.

    Sorry - this was much longer than I expected to write!

    If it all goes wrong we would take him out and home educate but that also brings its own considerations. I just feel overwhelmed.

    I very much appreciate the words of support and it helps so much to know that we are not alone x