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New school problems

NAS82135

My son (4.5yrs) started primary school last week and today his dad has collected him to be told that he has spat in a teacher’s face and bit a girl. He’s never bitten anyone in anger before or spit, though he does frequently blow raspberries in people’s faces and not seem to grasp that it’s not funny/know to stop.

The teacher didn’t offer anything by way of next steps/thoughts, it was merely relayed to him, but it’s left us upset and concerned obviously. We’re very used to nursery where you get a full debrief at the end of each night.

I have lots of questions but mainly, as we’re new to this having only got a diagnosis over the summer, is spitting a sign of distress in a child with autism? Is not knowing when to stop doing something an autistic behaviour? And how do we address it? We’re worried that we’ve been treating behaviours as “Naughty” and approaching it wrongly, when he can’t help this.

It’s all very new to us and we’re struggling knowing how best to support our little boy. We’re also probably overthinking it all and worrying he’s going to not be able to stay at his mainstream school, though I know that’s unlikely at this stage.

Apologies for all the questions and if this isn’t the usual format of forum posts. Any advice on where to start would be gratefully received. Thank you. 

  • in reply to Isabelle

    Thank you for your reply. We had a diagnosis four weeks ago. He’s had 121 support for the last two years at nursery to support his interaction with others. He’s a very happy and engaging boy but likes to do his own thing and doesn’t instigate play.

    He’s never really had an issue with hitting outside of home, when he is overly tired or worked up that does come out particularly with me. He’d not done it for well over a year but has been doing it since he started school because he must be overwhelmed by the change. How do you respond to the hitting? 

    We had a really good meeting with the school SENCO yesterday and they’re putting in a number of referrals and a POP plan for him, which has been described as a version of a support plan and reasonable adjustments they can make. They seemed really keen to support and make changes and unphased but not unsupportive.

    I suspect after a full day of school, after school club has been too much for him to take in the new environment. They’ve said we’ve got open communication with them so I guess we just watch and wait and flag any issues we have early so we can address them quickly. 

  • in reply to JLT18

    Thank you, yes even since I posted he’s seemed better. When I picked him up yesterday he was really happy and we had a good meeting with the SENCO. It’s helpful to hear others have this as their normal.

    I tried being silly this morning when he was getting worked up about getting dressed, and it definitely worked better. 

    Hope your little one settles soon too. It’s a lot for them to take in and adapt to. They do better than many grown ups do! 

  • Hi we’re in a similar situation as yourself, our little boy got diagnosed earlier this year turned 4 in August and started school last week.

    Although he hasn’t lashed out at anybody yet he’s had a couple meltdowns at school but like yourselves it’s not the full debrief we were used to at Nursery. Our son will go through a stage of hitting when he’s angry so the biting could possibly be that he’s angry or overwhelmed by all the change from nursery to school, new adult faces along with new classmates. One thing we have adopted when he starts a meltdown is to try and cuddle him or even tickle him as this brings back the happy little boy we know he is, and prevents the meltdown lasting an age, you could always ask his 121 or his teacher to try this. At the end of the day it’s a really big change starting school and I’m sure after they settle into the routine things will calm down.

    hope this helps abit.

  • Hi, my son was 4 in August and recently diagnosed with ASD & ADHD. We have had lots of incidents with spitting & biting as well as hitting. I think for him it is a sign of frustration, often set off with one of his may triggers (people being in is personal space when not expected, being a huge one). Is your son diagnosed?

    This was an issue throughout preschool and he was given 121 support. He now has 121 support in Reception and is on reduced hours. We are in the process of hopefully gaining a EHCP.

    Is there any support in place for your son. Can you speak to the SEN team and see if 121 support would be something that can arrange (they have to apply for funding if they don't already have someone in the school that can do this). They should at the very least be putting reasonable adjustments in place for him. Is there a quiet/sensory room he can go to if he gets overwhelmed?

    We have a communication book where they will write about anything that's happened in the day and I can do the same to let them know if anything has happened at home. This also helps save 'embarrassment' in front of other parents. 

    I agree with Desmond79 below, kids are put under too much pressure. My son has just turned 4 (he is a baby still) yet is expected to be able to sit quietly at a desk in a learning environment, if he can't it's classed as disruptive. 

  • Apparently, I was kicked out of the smart class in Primary School; maybe because I was warped in my own little - tv-obsessed - world.

    I could have learned skills, on my own accord, but I was too much of an achiever at school.

    Also, my ear was bitten - apparently - at P1.

    Stress is a major factor, and schools are treated like prisons these days. Kids are under too much pressure, these days.