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Undiagnosed at present new to all this, in referral process

girlmummy2020

hi 

I am a girl mummy who has noticed signs since my daughter was around 14 months old, she is now 2 and I have only just plucked up the courage to get the ball in motion to get her tested. 

I have put this in the back of my mind for months, she is a lockdown baby so I had just put it down to that with not having much contact with other people/children. I am scared don't get me wrong all this is so new to me even tho I have autism in my family and have worked in a s.e.n school previously. its difficult when you are the parent for sure. my early signs have been the hand over the ears which started around 8mnths, I shrugged it off saying ohhh its a faze shel grow out of it, certain foods she won't eat due to texture, and other things like running in circles, lining up toys on the tv stand, what's more heart breaking is I call her name no response or the words mummy have not been said either. she has regressed also with things she does like walk on tip toes when she had always walked flatfooted, the list goes on..... 

I now have the ball in motion to be referred but so scared social will get involved accuse me of being a bad mum and that I am far from. any hints or tips for the diagnosis journey would be eternally great fun. many thanks 

  • in reply to Louise

    I didn't see anything inappropriate about your comment, I shouldn't worry? Shrug

  • in reply to Polly203

    I've been emailed saying what I've wrote above is inappropriate, am I missing something? Can someone shed some light on what I've said??

  • As others have said, you are already the perfect responsible parent, facing the possibility that your child may have some difficulties is the toughest challenge for anyone to admit, you wont be be judged as a bad parent, quite the opposite, by trusting your instincts and getting your daughter assessed is the best way to help her sooner rather than later. My son was assessed autistic and nonverbal at 3yrs. He is now nearly 20yrs, still nonverbal but able to make himself understood and over the years has much better understanding of receptive language.

    We've had ups and downs, laughter and tears like most people, and he achieved more than we thought possible, like riding a 2 wheel bike and going for rides with us, and swimming like a fish. If I could pass on one bit of advice that I wish I had done from the start, it would be to keep a detailed diary, from behaviour, mood, foods eaten, activities, changes to routine, time awake/asleep, even bowel movements. This helps to identify any possible causes in a change to behaviour, such as constipation, or overstimulation/too much sugar causing lack of sleep.

    Best of luck, always trust your instincts, you are the professional when it comes to your child.

  • Your not a bad mom at all, half the time the professionals won't take you seriously until they are 2 anyway... I have parents in my nursery that still deny their child has development delays and they are due to go to school...I still don't think they are bad parents. It's hard accepting that your child is going to be taking a different route in life. 

    I started the process when my little boy was 15 months old. I'm not much further now he's 3 and a half... But things are in motion still.

  • in reply to Seal
    Seal said:
    He made up incredibly complicated games

    and I was making my 2 younger sisters play with me, :D but they were not complicated only complex

    I didn't like doll's eyes, one day around 5y.o. I did manage to get hold on my sisters dolls, and plucked their eyes out

    after mopping for a while my sisters were even more eager to play my games, but plcuking eyes did not have that in mind

  • You sound like you are already doing a fantastic job as mum. You are aware of your child's behaviour and have realised that assessment will no doubt bring help and advice in the future for both you and your daughter. Our son has aspergers and we didn't get him assessed until he was in his late teens and it would have probably been better if we had had help earlier. Don't forget to enjoy all the lovely moments whilst your child is young. I remember my son doing lots of unusual things but which were really quite endearing. He brought his large toy car to the doll's tea party expecting it to be able to join in - I think his twin didn't seem to mind too much. He made up incredibly complicated games and wanted everyone to do exactly as he said. He never really did the same as other children around him but managed sometimes to play alongside others. I was always worried about being judged by others because my child was not doing anything conventional. I am still working on my own confidence and use CBT and ACT methods as well as meditation and mindfulness techniques to keep myself calm and to be as good a mum as I can be. It's hard being a parent and you sound like you are doing your best, being there for your daughter. The assessment process seems to take a long time as we have found. Good luck with everything.

  • Tell them to go away and ask for someone else. If they do they aren’t doing their job properly. Nobody should ever be accused of being a bad parent if they are trying to get their child help (unless it’s for personal gain). I’m only 21 I got diagnosed when I was 17 from being pushed by my college. I wish my mum caught it early for me. it’s harder to get a diagnosis in girls due to masking as they get older might get other diagnosiss first (OCD ADHD ADD ect). They might drop it but keep pushing when she goes to school nursery pre school ask them to keep an eye out. Keep notes. Notes notes notes. When it comes to the actual assessment witch could take donkeys years (apparently the wait is 2 years at the moment) you could get brain block. Trust your gut. It’s always right when it comes to your child. Keep going mum you got this!!