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Struggle to cope with my autistic 6 year old on my own

Aimee

I have no family or friends to help me at all.

I had to give up my job to care for my son as he refuses to go to school and I can not find any childcare for him (I'm assuming this is because he's autistic although they don't admit that) 

He is extremely difficult to look after I can not leave the house with with as he's runs away and he lashes out. 

I also have a younger son and I feel terribly guilty my 4 year old has to live like this, we are prisoners in our home and have to endure day after day of screaming, hitting, kicking, spitting and smashing things up. Every day is stressful, we have no quality of life. We are miserable.

It often ends up with me totally overwhelmed and crying and shouting myself, and It breaks my heart to see how is effecting my youngest son. 

My husband works full time. I NEED him home with us.

Would we get any help/benefits if both me and my husband stay home to look after my autistic son. I know only 1 of us can claim carers allowance. 

  • in reply to Aimee

    If he's in a specialist school, I rather think they should be doing more to help get him there and make life bearable for him there, otherwise how is he going to progress with anything in life.

    I'd also try finding out if there are any autism support groups in your area.  You might also try your GP and tell them, it's not that you are a bad parent or anything but you need some specialist advice on parenting an autistic kid, before you all collapse with exhaustion.  

  • If in doubt, can you find a community of Autistic Adults in your area? I hear about this often and wish there were teams of us in local communities who could make house calls - if nothing more than to help troubleshoot all the potential things which society deems perfectly normal, but might be sensory nightmares to autistic children. 

    It breaks my heart to hear stories like these. If I'd have known a few things different when my son was young which would've helped make his life easier, I would've made those changes. We didn't know know he was dyslexic. I didn't really think about left-handed scissors. I know it seems simple, but I was too young and didn't have help and was exhausted.

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    I've told his pead I can't cope with his behavior and she just said its a phase but actually it's not. I'm so sick of telling people I need help. He goes to a specialist school. 

  • Perhaps you could talk to a pediatrician about your son's behaviors and about his schooling. Education is really important for any child's future. They might be able to give you some resources. 

    I think your husband should keep his full-time job, since it'll provide basic necessities, rent, food. But I understand that it's hard to look after two young children, because while you're looking in one direction at one child, the other child might be running off and do something dangerous.

    I really think your 6 year old child should go to a school that supports his needs, and maybe with a pediatrician's help and some resources, you'll be able to find what would work best for your family. 

  • I'm concern your lad isn't getting any support or schooling. What can the local authority do to get him a place that can meet his need and help managing him to get him there and settled in? Does he have an EHCP?

    I understand school is difficult for him, but it can't just be he refuses and doesn't go. The authority must provide a school place that can cater to his needs. It's also the only way you will get some respite and a bit of quality time with your other boy.

    I'd also be asking what other help they can give you.