Mr "redacted- I know damn well who you are"

Hi Sparkly, I am giving you the obligatory reply now that I am upstairs again after you said "you didn't reply to me" (tongue in cheek) while I was downstairs, so here it is mum, happy now. 

Thank you for having my back and for looking out for me Paul. I would be lost without you.

Lots of Love,

Mum

xXx

I thought I'd jump in here and let you know that what you were thinking was spot on... about the identity of Paul's mother, and also about who 'redacted' is / was.

If I attempted to explain I would probably sound completely paranoid, but there were a few things that 'redacted' had said in their post that really stood out to me. However, the person I had 'known' had what I considered to be a distinctive style of writing that I'd not come across with any other members. As 'redacted' did not share that same distinctive style of writing, I decided I was definitely being paranoid.

I had sought Paul's opinion and when he had read that post by 'redacted' and the various comments, he was absolutely convinced it was the same person I had known. Like you, he had also felt that I was being singled out and pursued.

It's unclear as to how much involvement Paul will continue to have with the forum, but knowing that he is looking out for me brings me comfort. I just wish I had heeded the advice that he and others had given me a lot sooner.

Thank you for the reply, I will say this much don't be too hard on yourself Shardovan, I just felt concerned about "redacted" still trying to interact with my mother under a different name, I saw quite a few of their correspondence via email, texts etc. I didn't try to get to involved, just gave my opinions on certain aspects.

I even gave him the benefit of the doubt and phoned him myself to say he was more than welcome to come up to ours and if he was having any concerns or thoughts beforehand he was welcome to phone either me or mom.

Nothing and that was only after I got directly involved, he'd made that promise to my mom repeatedly of physically seeing each other, alongside a "Jekyll (very conversational, humorous and very good at hooking my moms emotions) and Hyde (Very accusatory and bombarding her with weird messages)" demeanour, I just saw far too many flags and I didn't want mom to feel pressured off this site, so I jumped on and gave my little warning.

Again, don't be hard on yourself, me myself I am trying to be less cynical, but when it comes to the social interactions my mom has had with men over the years (the last man being years ago), I maintain an air of cynicism.

Thank you for the response Ava.

I won't name him but my mom met someone on this board and I not being autistic myself, well who knows I've never been diagnosed for it, I had bad feelings about him early on, it was causing my mom a great deal of stress.

great "chemistry" and humour, but he had a nastier side to him (something which if it is genuine mental health issues I hope he seeks help for now that I have calmed down). Very good at making promises with no actions, consistently, making claims about my own mother who I live with that I know are false.

So there was a temper in my first post, I apologize for the "fury" displayed in my post, but I genuinely am convinced he was someone who enjoys the messing with peoples head and as I knew he frequented this board, I wanted to give a somewhat warning to him alone to leave my mom alone while she is on here, this is one of the few social contacts she has and I do not want somebody messing that up for her, protective instincts kicked in you could say.

Also very sorry to hear that your mum's going through this. If they're who I'm assuming it is, she's one of the kindest and most thoughtful and supportive voices on here, and it would be an awful shame if it got to a point where she felt uncomfortable being on the forum - the community would be a lot poorer for her absence and I know she'd be missed a lot by many. Hopefully she feels reassured by the overwhelming number of people on here with no covert agenda, just a need for a place to feel understood and - when our mental health needs it - therapeutically 'think aloud' without being a tree falling in the forest. 

In terms of being a better son, I don't think you need to ask that - it's clear from an earlier post or two (her appreciative words) that you've been doing a great job supporting her, and helped her to navigate a very challenging few weeks/months that caused her a lot of pain.  

Looking back a few days, I think I know who 'redacted' is - which new profile, and in my naivety am only realising with hindsight because of your post/thread. Something felt a little 'off' there (the rapid parabolic trajectory of how it unfolded), but as this is a sanctuary for the neurodivergent I took it at face value even though it now seems so obvious that a certain result was being pursued, and a specific person. Indeed, I feel a little embarrassed that my own contribution to that thread was of no consequence, despite best intentions. I'm learning to finally be less trusting and more cynical, in my forties - better late than never- but I can still have terrible blindspots and I'm glad you've pointed out what you have as more vigilance certainly can't hurt. Though your mother seems very perceptive about many things, so probably had it sussed (and was classy enough to express that indirectly and politely in the recent thread, just in case) and clearly did the right thing as well. 

Hope she's doing OK, and that life starts going a little easier on you both.

Hi Paul. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your mum. I'd be upset if it was my mum. Different situation but when my sister was bullied at school I flipped and called the person out. So I do understand how you feel. I hope you're mum is ok and that you can get things sorted.

Regarding being a better son ... To be fair what you write above shows what a caring and loving son you are. Sometimes when I struggle to help understand others needs I look it up online how to understand better lol. Sometimes it helps sometimes it doesn't. I'm not the best with people. Truth is I've been in hospital for months and have very little contact with others other than nurses and I prefer that. 

So you could look up understanding needs online other than that I'm not sure. Sorry.