Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone
Im new to all this and just would like to see other peoples opinions on this one as i feel a little bit alone.
My daughter is 11. Shes shown signs of autism since a baby although we put it down to other things, she had hearing loss..hence the slow talking, she had a duplex kidnet...hence the bedwetting at night. Etc
As shes gotten older she is drifting apart from her friends. Although doing well in school she is suffering witb bad anxiety and still having meltdowns and "tantrums" i know hormones are kicking in etc. She has her first assessment on monday.
she masks her autism in school, and only has meltdowns with me at home. Or my sisters. She doesnt at her dads and shes told me kts because she cant let her dad and his wife see her behave that way. So she knows the behaviour is wrong. Theyre convinced shes just being naughty for me. Although i think its more deepseated.
I suppose my question to you all is, can an autistic child mask it with certain people and let it out with others. If it was a sensory overload, would they not just have the meltdown with anyone? Or does she hold it in then likea bottle of pop, it explodes for me over a little thing.
Any input would be great. Thankyiu
Some autistic people (though not all) can delay a meltdown, but a meltdown cannot be prevented. They aren't naughty or "tantrums".
Autistic kids, like all kids, can have "tantrums" too, but there is a key difference between a tantrum and a melt down. A tantrum is manipulative; to get something. The kid who makes a scene on purpose to get sweets. The tantrum will stop at the point they are either given sweets or it becomes clear no sweets are forth coming. A meltdown NEVER has a motive and is NEVER on purpose. Something provoked it. It does have a reason; sensory, information processing, social or emotional overload. But the person in meltdown does not want anything from anyone, other than for the overload to stop.
Girls in particular are known to manage to hold it together all day at school or in polite company, but the overload is building all that while and it hurts and it will purge sooner or later, because it must. That moment is often in their safe place: home. When it comes, it isn't a choice. The system must purge itself. Your daughter may already have exercised extra-ordinary control to get in doors before it blows. If you can leave her and let it blow. She'll likely be exhausted afterward.
The only way to lessen the melt downs is to try and identify the triggers and lessen and mitigate them, such that the system isn't overloading to begin with.