New to this for my 8 year old and feel alone

Some features of this remind me of my childhood, especially the body worries, which sound even worse than mine were.

However, your son has got something going for him that I never did. He's verbalising it and asking for your reassurance. I kept mine locked up inside and no body knew my fear.

The fact that he is expressing it, means something can be done to help him manage that anxiety. Therapy for autistic people is under developed just yet, but you might get some.

Just guessing for the moment, judging by my own thought processes, but anything that plays to the logic might help. For example, that teeth do better went fed the right food and brushed properly than by not eating. Demonstrating that on fact based information might reassure him more. Or getting to the bottom of the choking thing. ..is it something in his oral sensation behind that, then maybe try to manage food such that doesn't trigger to start with, then gently built up tolerance to more difficult textures.

As for the other kids...well, there is one potential boon that could come from it; his sense of justice. I was bullied at school. Kids used to push animal bones in my face to provoke a melt down. The head blamed me for "not being like" the other children and told me I had to "fit in". Well, I hung on to my sense of self, decided I didn't want to "fit in" with a bunch of cruel jerks and just tried to stay out of their way. I was only 10.  I grew up to be that teenager, totally disinterested in pressures to be 'fashionable' or concern myself about popularity, but to champion the underdog. I will not stand by while others are picked on.

It is difficult isn’t it? He’s obviously hugely sensitive and struggling with a huge amount of anxiety. It’s extremely difficult for you and even more so for him - I’m sorry your both struggling in this way. School is so full on, There are no easy answers - it’s just a matter of trying to address each issue as it arises and trying. To get as much support as you can from the school and any other service you can access.

And do your research too. Good luck :) 

His behaviours sound so similar to my 6 year old! Especially the questions about food and worries. It’s almost like OCD sometimes. His anxiety is sky high, especially with school and his parents peers. 
He also sleeps in my bed and still drinks milk out of a bottle at night. To others he looks “normal” or a “mummy’s boy”.

no advice but I get you! X 

It's good he is enjoying breakfast club. The local authorities have autism specialists who may be able to advise school, but they vary. 

Being seen to be different is a big challenge. My son rejects any help that highlights that. 

Making friends is a difficult thing and that makes the school experience so much more difficult. My son's primary school sometimes had organized games at lunchtimes.

It can be so hard seeing your child struggling and not being able to do more to help.

Thank you for your support .

That is my son if they change the tone of there voice I think he thinks there shouting as he will do it at home and ask us to stop if we are been firm if he's not listening,  done something wrong . 

I am in regular meetings with school and I think they are trying to support him but lack staff and knowledgeable ones at that.  He was getting a staff member that would wait for him at reception to take him down to class but he is very aware of everyone else and didn't want to look different to his peers . 

We have just started breakfast club 2 days a week so that transition from me straight into a school work isn't to much and he seems to be enjoying it so far .

Yes bedtime he always has to do and say the same things before he settles and then is up in the night jumping into my bed !

He is really struggling with his peers at the moment making friends and communication he has never had a problem with but he struggles if someone is been mean to him or hitting him and then more so if there not made to say sorry or disiplined . He then in turn becomes fixated on this person and wants to follow them around 

Hi. I see some similarities. My son will sometimes say someone shouted if they say something in a firm manner. He can also can get frustrated if he feels something has not been fair, for example a referees decision when playing football. Sleep is also something that has been difficult, although as a teenager he is now slower getting up.

School sounds a difficult place for your son. I am wondering whether you have discussed this with his school's SENCO so they may be able to put things in place to help. If you can 'wonder' with him regarding why school is hard there may be things which could help. Is it that he doesn't always understand instructions so needs them broken down? Does he find the busy environment difficult? Does he need quiet periods? If he finds the going in difficult when there are a lot of people they may be able to arrange a TA to take him in. There is useful advice in the Education section of Help and Support on this website.

My son is good at masking and finds school difficult and can't always say why so contact with school is a regular thing. At home we have a regular time together when he can discuss any difficulties. Sometimes it is explaining why a teacher told him not to do something, as he didn't understand why it was inappropriate.

I also understand the bedtime thing about needing things exactly the same way, especially at times of increased anxiety. We have had particular routines here at times but necessary to help unwind. It can be hard at this end of the day. I am autistic too and find routines help and comforting to have things the same way.

I hope you are able to get some help with school. I have found when school is less of a challenge it helps with time at home too.