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New to this for my 8 year old and feel alone

NAS79621

Good morning , 

I'm just looking for some advice /support /or just to know I'm not going insane ! 

My son after a long wait was diagnosed in summer 2021 with ASD and he has very high anixety . 

He always has and still struggles with school , doesnt want to leave me in the mornings, then there is 9 times put of 10 a meltdown  when home about another child or the teacher etc usually its "the teacher shouts " or another child is not been nice , calling him names , hitting him but he then gets fixated  on that. This can happen at club  or other places , trampoline parks etc where he then becomes emotionally dis regulated and is crying , shouting and most recently punching furniture with frustration I guess , especially if he thinks the other child should be spoke to /displined and isn't. He is in mainstream class .

He is very literal and always looking for reassurance from me about foods he's eating , that he won't get fat , his teeth won't fall out etc and has to be pinky promised everytime he eats something. 

Bedtime can be a battle , he has to have teddy's,  curtains,  lights etc all a certain way then before he settles he asks me the same worry questions like ,do I promise he won't choke , die , go blind , scary stuff won't get him etc etc 

Once reassured he will eventually go to sleep but wakes and climbs into my bed in  the night  and then is still up at 6.30am .

Sorry that's a bit long but I feel l sometimes like I'm judged as he comes across to people as well "normal" I guess then if he's having meltdown it can just look like to others he is been a pest but I know he can't control it .

Thank x

Parents

  • Some features of this remind me of my childhood, especially the body worries, which sound even worse than mine were.

    However, your son has got something going for him that I never did. He's verbalising it and asking for your reassurance. I kept mine locked up inside and no body knew my fear.

    The fact that he is expressing it, means something can be done to help him manage that anxiety. Therapy for autistic people is under developed just yet, but you might get some.

    Just guessing for the moment, judging by my own thought processes, but anything that plays to the logic might help. For example, that teeth do better went fed the right food and brushed properly than by not eating. Demonstrating that on fact based information might reassure him more. Or getting to the bottom of the choking thing. ..is it something in his oral sensation behind that, then maybe try to manage food such that doesn't trigger to start with, then gently built up tolerance to more difficult textures.

    As for the other kids...well, there is one potential boon that could come from it; his sense of justice. I was bullied at school. Kids used to push animal bones in my face to provoke a melt down. The head blamed me for "not being like" the other children and told me I had to "fit in". Well, I hung on to my sense of self, decided I didn't want to "fit in" with a bunch of cruel jerks and just tried to stay out of their way. I was only 10.  I grew up to be that teenager, totally disinterested in pressures to be 'fashionable' or concern myself about popularity, but to champion the underdog. I will not stand by while others are picked on.

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  • Some features of this remind me of my childhood, especially the body worries, which sound even worse than mine were.

    However, your son has got something going for him that I never did. He's verbalising it and asking for your reassurance. I kept mine locked up inside and no body knew my fear.

    The fact that he is expressing it, means something can be done to help him manage that anxiety. Therapy for autistic people is under developed just yet, but you might get some.

    Just guessing for the moment, judging by my own thought processes, but anything that plays to the logic might help. For example, that teeth do better went fed the right food and brushed properly than by not eating. Demonstrating that on fact based information might reassure him more. Or getting to the bottom of the choking thing. ..is it something in his oral sensation behind that, then maybe try to manage food such that doesn't trigger to start with, then gently built up tolerance to more difficult textures.

    As for the other kids...well, there is one potential boon that could come from it; his sense of justice. I was bullied at school. Kids used to push animal bones in my face to provoke a melt down. The head blamed me for "not being like" the other children and told me I had to "fit in". Well, I hung on to my sense of self, decided I didn't want to "fit in" with a bunch of cruel jerks and just tried to stay out of their way. I was only 10.  I grew up to be that teenager, totally disinterested in pressures to be 'fashionable' or concern myself about popularity, but to champion the underdog. I will not stand by while others are picked on.

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