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New to this for my 8 year old and feel alone

NAS79621

Good morning , 

I'm just looking for some advice /support /or just to know I'm not going insane ! 

My son after a long wait was diagnosed in summer 2021 with ASD and he has very high anixety . 

He always has and still struggles with school , doesnt want to leave me in the mornings, then there is 9 times put of 10 a meltdown  when home about another child or the teacher etc usually its "the teacher shouts " or another child is not been nice , calling him names , hitting him but he then gets fixated  on that. This can happen at club  or other places , trampoline parks etc where he then becomes emotionally dis regulated and is crying , shouting and most recently punching furniture with frustration I guess , especially if he thinks the other child should be spoke to /displined and isn't. He is in mainstream class .

He is very literal and always looking for reassurance from me about foods he's eating , that he won't get fat , his teeth won't fall out etc and has to be pinky promised everytime he eats something. 

Bedtime can be a battle , he has to have teddy's,  curtains,  lights etc all a certain way then before he settles he asks me the same worry questions like ,do I promise he won't choke , die , go blind , scary stuff won't get him etc etc 

Once reassured he will eventually go to sleep but wakes and climbs into my bed in  the night  and then is still up at 6.30am .

Sorry that's a bit long but I feel l sometimes like I'm judged as he comes across to people as well "normal" I guess then if he's having meltdown it can just look like to others he is been a pest but I know he can't control it .

Thank x

Parents

  • Hi. I see some similarities. My son will sometimes say someone shouted if they say something in a firm manner. He can also can get frustrated if he feels something has not been fair, for example a referees decision when playing football. Sleep is also something that has been difficult, although as a teenager he is now slower getting up.

    School sounds a difficult place for your son. I am wondering whether you have discussed this with his school's SENCO so they may be able to put things in place to help. If you can 'wonder' with him regarding why school is hard there may be things which could help. Is it that he doesn't always understand instructions so needs them broken down? Does he find the busy environment difficult? Does he need quiet periods? If he finds the going in difficult when there are a lot of people they may be able to arrange a TA to take him in. There is useful advice in the Education section of Help and Support on this website.

    My son is good at masking and finds school difficult and can't always say why so contact with school is a regular thing. At home we have a regular time together when he can discuss any difficulties. Sometimes it is explaining why a teacher told him not to do something, as he didn't understand why it was inappropriate.

    I also understand the bedtime thing about needing things exactly the same way, especially at times of increased anxiety. We have had particular routines here at times but necessary to help unwind. It can be hard at this end of the day. I am autistic too and find routines help and comforting to have things the same way.

    I hope you are able to get some help with school. I have found when school is less of a challenge it helps with time at home too.

Reply

  • Hi. I see some similarities. My son will sometimes say someone shouted if they say something in a firm manner. He can also can get frustrated if he feels something has not been fair, for example a referees decision when playing football. Sleep is also something that has been difficult, although as a teenager he is now slower getting up.

    School sounds a difficult place for your son. I am wondering whether you have discussed this with his school's SENCO so they may be able to put things in place to help. If you can 'wonder' with him regarding why school is hard there may be things which could help. Is it that he doesn't always understand instructions so needs them broken down? Does he find the busy environment difficult? Does he need quiet periods? If he finds the going in difficult when there are a lot of people they may be able to arrange a TA to take him in. There is useful advice in the Education section of Help and Support on this website.

    My son is good at masking and finds school difficult and can't always say why so contact with school is a regular thing. At home we have a regular time together when he can discuss any difficulties. Sometimes it is explaining why a teacher told him not to do something, as he didn't understand why it was inappropriate.

    I also understand the bedtime thing about needing things exactly the same way, especially at times of increased anxiety. We have had particular routines here at times but necessary to help unwind. It can be hard at this end of the day. I am autistic too and find routines help and comforting to have things the same way.

    I hope you are able to get some help with school. I have found when school is less of a challenge it helps with time at home too.

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