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DLA, good behavior in school but not at home

wood36

Hi! just wonder if someone could possibly give me a bit of suggestion?

My ASD 10yr son is independent in school but completely opposite at home, he still needs my one-to-one assistance for very basic daily routine e.g. changing, bathing, brushing teeth. getting up, carrying him to toilet etc. He often refuses to walk so that I have to carry him a lot (10yrs! oh my god!) But he un/dresses himself in school and walks in school or during little school trips, requests toilet. But at home if I don’t help him, nothing starts.

I am planning to apply for DLA. I quite often heard that DLA is judged (mainly) based on school reports, so if the school report says he is good, there is no chance to get DLA.   

How do I convince the decision makers that he genuinely needs a lot of help at home and he is not just lazy, although he (technically) CAN do in school. How do I justify these extreme behavioral differences are due to his autism?

I would very much appreciate if someone could help me. Many thanks

  • i had simular concerns with my son who seems to cope at school but once its home time all hell breaks loose due to the build up of anxiety that he bottles up through out the day. my son got took of his iep last yr due to him 'conforming at school' *note conforming as this was mentioned when i had to reaply for dla late last yr, and his school reports are good mainly maths and i.t but it shows his struggle with english due to lack of imagination. dont worry to much about that and emphasies how his need to conform in school causes problems at home. if it does get rejected you can appeal (stressful but do it) and get his pead or dr whoever see's him due to his autism to back you up if you do appeal. my son got his awarded for next 5 yrs even with him conforming at school. good luck 

  • hi, not got much time but wanted to say if you get refused first time, reapply.

    we were refused first time, and i got a local lady from a special care community centre to fill it too, she told me i would prob be declined, as they decline everyone for asd problems, and when you appeal, 9 out of 10 times you are awarded. so i got the your not entitled to letter, filled in the appeal form, and got my desision 3 months on, i rang every 4 weeks to chase up. we not get high rate care, and mid mobility. which helps so much. so please dont fill in forms yourself, as other people know how to 'word' it. awful i know, but its how the system works. and fight for the appeal.  xx good luck xxx

  • I have 5 children of whom 3 of them have autism.  My oldest daughter who is 19 has ADHD and she went through a bad stage but as she has got older she has it more under control. My oldest son displays aggression and the most awful rages as he gets frustrated or he gets stressed out by things he doesnt understand.  Also I have to do everything for him at home from dressing him to bathing him but he is very challenging.  The hyperactivity is bad not so much at home but at school he is aggressive and when he gets told off he crawls under the table and wont come out and enjoys the attention and he plays on this.  

    My middle son is a different story all together he is quiet and withdrawn at school and he wets himself most days.  At home he is so aggressive he attacks his little sister and the distruction which has been caused by both boys is unbelieveable.  The swearing is terrible as well as the hyperactivity.

    The thing is people have seen my sons mainly misbehaving and being distructive and have reported their behaviour over the years to social services who have now taken all but the oldest of my children saying that there bad behaviour aggressive behaviour at home and at school is caused by me not parenting them properly and now I am due in court to try and get them back which the social worker has said in his report that I am not a good enough parent for them.

    My social worker has said it is better for them to be in care and looked after someone that knows what they are doing.  So I have contact with my 4 children for one hour on a monday and one hour on the thursday.  I have a real fight on my hands because my children have this ADHD it has broken my heart and I dont know what to do can anyone suggest anything or has someone gone through the same.

  •  Hi - just a thought.  My son used to (+ still does to a degree) compartmentalise some aspects of his life.  When he was little there were only certain meals he wd eat, but ate other meals elsewhere.  We had a bedtime routine but I'm not sure it was duplicated elsewhere.  Things like that.  He may expect you to do all these things for him because you always have since he was little.  He cd well get upset if you tried to change that (I'm sure you've tried!). School's different with different rules + has always been so, therefore he follows "school rules" + when he gets in "home rules".    It'll be difficult for the dwp to appreciate all this, altho we on here understand.  You cd get letters from various professionals to back you up.  Perhaps they cd visit when he's not at school?  You cd get someone to video you at home with him + write on the dla form that you have video evidence to back up your claim.  There will be advice via the home pg about dla etc.  Also it can be helpful to get someone from CAB or similar to help completing the form, if you wanted to do it that way.  Also, I hope you don't mind me saying what you already know, but there will come a point when you can't lift him etc.  My son always had his bedroom lamp on because it had been that way since he was little.  When he was nearly 14 we sd to him that he didn't need his lamp on anymore once he got to 14.  At bedtime we reminded him that he was now 14 + he switched it off - no probs.  I know most things don't work out that way, esp if something's been done for yrs, but maybe you cd try a permutation on that theme with 1 habit + try + work thru them bit by bit?  Good luck with everything.