Toddler Unhappy at Nursery

Hi, I've just seen your post. I'm a Mum of an Autistic child as well as being a nursery SENCo. I'm shocked that they have completed your son's  assessment in such a negative way rather than praising his good achievements and attributes. Have they sought your opinion throughout the assessment and made plans with you? Also have they been doing regular observations to determine what is triggering his upset and distress- ie, a large amount of children, bright and noisy room. It might be worth asking to see all paperwork and what they define 'difficult' as. 

I appreciate it is difficult with staff ratios to devote time to one child, but it may be worth speaking to his key person and/or the setting SENCo for more information.

Nurseries can be fantastic for children's development but you could also look at your nurseries OFSTED report,  other nurseries or childminders locally who have experience with ASD. 

I hope this is of some use and good luck xx

I totally agree with your comment! The damage that can be done long term by the education system is terrifying.

Hi, I've just seen your post. I'm a Mum of an Autistic child as well as being a nursery SENCo. I'm shocked that they have completed your son's  assessment in such a negative way rather than praising his good achievements and attributes. Have they sought your opinion throughout the assessment and made plans with you? Also have they been doing regular observations to determine what is triggering his upset and distress- ie, a large amount of children, bright and noisy room. It might be worth asking to see all paperwork and what they define 'difficult' as. 

I appreciate it is difficult with staff ratios to devote time to one child, but it may be worth speaking to his key person and/or the setting SENCo for more information.

Nurseries can be fantastic for children's development but you could also look at your nurseries OFSTED report,  other nurseries or childminders locally who have experience with ASD. 

I hope this is of some use and good luck xx

Yes. I don’t like the way the staff are talking about this child. 

Trust your gut instinct and take him out. Children this young communicate with their behaviour. Simply put, he is unhappy and there is a reason for this. It sounds as if there is a training issue with the staff in terms of children with additional needs. 

I agree with absolutely everything that’s said above by ‘Learning as we go’. . Repeatedly putting our autistic children in to incredibly stressful situations that they find distressing DOES THEM HARM. 

And it can have serious, long term consequences for them. 

Listen to what your son is trying to tell you. Trust your instincts. 

I would have to agree with Kate below - our son found nursery and school difficult - school said it was ok and he'd get used to it and he was fine once I had left.  But he didn't ever really get on well with school.  Like Kate's son, my son also became selectively mute due to extreme anxiety.  He didn't get any early years support as he didn't have a diagnosis, and he crashed out of school with mental health issues when he was older.  He is still 'recovering' from the trauma of school failures 10 years on.  I too wish I'd had the courage to trust my instincts sooner even though I didn't have a 'what next' plan or even a diagnosis.  

On a practical note though, once your son reaches compulsory school age you will need to try to find somewhere that can understand and support him.  I have a friend whose son got great support in early years at school because her son had a daignosis early on, and and EHCP, and he is now fine at secondary school.  A montessouri school might help as they often have a more flexibile approach. If you have a daignosis that will really help.  Also, if you can get the nursery to documnet in a letter the evidence they have seen that may also prove to be very useful in helping you get support.

I would suggest looking in to when is the earliest you can apply for an EHCP (Educational Health Care Plan) from your council which would set out what the school needs to provide to support your son in accessing education.  I realy believe early intervention is key if you can manage to get it in place. All things that, with hindsight, I left far too late.

And just one further comment: the staff saying your son is “easily upset” - compared to who?! Upset is upset - it’s not a matter of ‘ease’ is it?! It strikes me as another judgemental comment (as their comment about him being ‘difficult’). He’s only 23 months old for heavens sake! 
I would take him out - and if you want him to go to nursery I’d find a better one than this one, one that has some understanding of autism too.

If he’s really showing signs of distress and not happy there then I would take him out - no question. He’s only 23 months and he has limited ways of communicating but the signs are there aren’t they? That he doesn’t want to be there? 
I also don’t like the way the staff are talking about your son. All toddlers could be described as “difficult” - the key thing is knowing how to help them to feel safe and happy - not categorising them  in such a negative way. 

my son was unhappy when he started school. The school told me it was ok and that he would ‘get used to it’. I was wrong to accept what they told me - but I didn’t have the confidence to act - even though my instincts told me that my son was deeply unhappy there and I shouldn’t keep repeatedly putting him in a situation that was distressing for him. Just leaving things as they are does not address your son’s unhappiness with nursery. My son developed Selective Mutism when he started school due to the stress of trying to cope with school. 

Take your son’s distress seriously and act on the signs he is sending you. If you don’t his mental health will likely suffer.