Non autistic child self harming in a household with an autistic sibling

Unfortunately pets are off the menu due to allergies that run in the families.  Clubs and similar would be a good start.  We are trying to find some that aren't in her local area, so away from all the problems.  I think it's just going to be hard until she leaves school.  It was for me and mostly everyone I know.  You either embrace being the loner and find likeminded loners to become friends with, or you suffer.

I’m glad you said this, as ASD was the first thing that sprung to mind when I read your post.

Reading your post made me cry

have had many bouts of depression anxiety suicidal thoughts throughout my teenager years all because of bullying. When I was sixteen to stop feeling suicidal and to have a reason to live I bought (for an embarrassing large amount of money) meet and greet tickets. They were for six months time and I really wanted to meet shawn mendes and I didn’t want my hard earned  money (working at a soft pay centre) to go to waste. So having that goal to reach stopped me from doing anything bad and I was so excited about it that it made everything else easier to cope with. 

so maybe something similar might be worth a try. Plan a trip, or a concert, or something that she would really love to do. So she doesn’t have only the negatives to focus on.

Maybe volunteering would be a good way of showing her that she has a purpose and is needed. Whether that be at an animal shelter, a soup kitchen, maybe even a autism charity? It can sometimes help to see others that have it tougher as you realise your life isn’t as bad as theirs?

find a lovely church, Baptist churches tend to be more modern and most run youth clubs and meetings. Meeting kind people when you are being bullied can restore your faith in the world a little bit.

the other thought I had was a pet (not sure if that would work with her autistic sibling) something loving like a cat or dog that is her responsibility. Not only are pets a loving companion it will also help her mental health. Especially if you explain to her that she is mature enough to be responsible for the pet and that no one else with look after it if she doesn’t.

when it comes to the bullying at school they only way to stop it is to remove her from the situation. Teachers will tell you that they can make it better but they can’t be authoritative enough these days and nothing they say to these horrible bullies will make them change. They will always be in the same school. Does she enjoy going to school? If the answer is no then maybe deregister,  home schooling might be better. You could do it just for a month and have a total school detox, only do fun learning nothing on pen or paper. Show her how to be a kid again. If after a month she wants to go back to school, great re register. If not start introducing the basics maths English science nothing more is needed! If she wants to go to college most will accept home Ed children from the age of 14 without  any GCSE’s. 

Sorry if I rambled on too much! I hope what I have written is just slightly helpful. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. x

Yeah I've avoided age.  Early teens.  She is under CAMHs at the minute.  I hope they can provide her with something helpful.  When I was under the equivalent service long ago the counselling alone made my life a lot better.

This is what  I was going to ask but I didn’t have time earlier, whether she may also be autistic. I personally find Instagram good for finding relatable people and posts but you have to be a bit savvy to what is good info and what isn’t. You haven’t said how old she is so she may be a bit young to look for herself but maybe you could find someone who speaks about experiencing a similar situation in the past. I hope she manages to get some help

I don't know what the mental teams think, but my guess is depression is high on the list.  I have depression and have known a lot of people with it and she 100% has depression.  She goes for counselling once a week at the minute. I suspect she needs antidepressants, but she is a little young to be taking them, so don't know if she will be allowed them.

A lot of this stems from her life up until now.  She has lived abroad a lot and upon returning this time, she finds herself at another new school with zero friends.  Also she is about a year in advance of other people of her age educationally.  So they bully her for having no friends, for being more intelligent and because her brother is ND.  I also suspect she has ASD, but not as much as he does.  ND traits seem to run within my family, quite strongly.

For both my brother and I, we sought attention. Now, we're amicable. 

It’s not unusual for the other siblings to react in this way. It’s all about attention. They aren’t getting enough, and seek to find it in other ways. I also think there might be more going on with her.

There are lots of places she can talk or text to a counsellor or similar. I know of the service Kooth that seems popular.I can’t think of any others off the top of my head right now, and of course some will be dependent on age. 
Do the mental health have any inkling on what she could be suffering with or why? I don’t feel like they take this situation as seriously as they should. It’s almost as if all teens do this sort of thing, and it’s normal. Well, I’m afraid it isn’t, and it needs nipping in the bud sooner rather than later.

Hopefully a MOd can send some helpful links for you.