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Non autistic child self harming in a household with an autistic sibling

__Pathfinder__

Not an easy subject, but I am looking for info and resources on this.  My nephew was recently diagnosed with autism, he is less functional than I am and really hard work with almost daily meltdowns.  The problem is his behaviour over the years, along with a lot of other factors has had a massive effect on his non-autistic sister who is now struggling with her mental health.  She has reached the self harm point and has tried to kill herself a couple of times, but she doesn't appear to be serious about it.  She is already under a local mental health team.  She has told me she hates her brother and wishes her family was normal.  Our entire family is worried about her.

While the core problems aren't just related to her brothers autism, it does play a large part in it.  Has anyone got any strategies for helping her.  So far i have tried to be there for her as her uncle, but I feel at times like I am fighting a losing battle.  It seems like she just continues to deterioate.  My family are considering letting her live away from home for a while to try and get a firebreak away from her brother, although it would only be a temporary measure.

Their are other factors involved in her problems too, including lack of friends and bullying.  Attempts have been made to rectify the friends issue, but bullying seems to be one of those almost impossible things to deal with.  She has told me that her brother is an embarrassment to her and her friends couldn't cope with his continuous behavioural issues.

Has anyone got any ideas, links to resources, etc?  Anything I can read and try to apply to the situation to help her would be good.

Thanks.

Parents

  • Reading your post made me cry Disappointed

    have had many bouts of depression anxiety suicidal thoughts throughout my teenager years all because of bullying. When I was sixteen to stop feeling suicidal and to have a reason to live I bought (for an embarrassing large amount of money) meet and greet tickets. They were for six months time and I really wanted to meet shawn mendes and I didn’t want my hard earned  money (working at a soft pay centre) to go to waste. So having that goal to reach stopped me from doing anything bad and I was so excited about it that it made everything else easier to cope with. 


    so maybe something similar might be worth a try. Plan a trip, or a concert, or something that she would really love to do. So she doesn’t have only the negatives to focus on.

    Maybe volunteering would be a good way of showing her that she has a purpose and is needed. Whether that be at an animal shelter, a soup kitchen, maybe even a autism charity? It can sometimes help to see others that have it tougher as you realise your life isn’t as bad as theirs?

    find a lovely church, Baptist churches tend to be more modern and most run youth clubs and meetings. Meeting kind people when you are being bullied can restore your faith in the world a little bit.

    the other thought I had was a pet (not sure if that would work with her autistic sibling) something loving like a cat or dog that is her responsibility. Not only are pets a loving companion it will also help her mental health. Especially if you explain to her that she is mature enough to be responsible for the pet and that no one else with look after it if she doesn’t.

    when it comes to the bullying at school they only way to stop it is to remove her from the situation. Teachers will tell you that they can make it better but they can’t be authoritative enough these days and nothing they say to these horrible bullies will make them change. They will always be in the same school. Does she enjoy going to school? If the answer is no then maybe deregister,  home schooling might be better. You could do it just for a month and have a total school detox, only do fun learning nothing on pen or paper. Show her how to be a kid again. If after a month she wants to go back to school, great re register. If not start introducing the basics maths English science nothing more is needed! If she wants to go to college most will accept home Ed children from the age of 14 without  any GCSE’s. 

    Sorry if I rambled on too much! I hope what I have written is just slightly helpful. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers. x

  • in reply to NAS77095

    Unfortunately pets are off the menu due to allergies that run in the families.  Clubs and similar would be a good start.  We are trying to find some that aren't in her local area, so away from all the problems.  I think it's just going to be hard until she leaves school.  It was for me and mostly everyone I know.  You either embrace being the loner and find likeminded loners to become friends with, or you suffer.

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  • in reply to NAS77095

    Unfortunately pets are off the menu due to allergies that run in the families.  Clubs and similar would be a good start.  We are trying to find some that aren't in her local area, so away from all the problems.  I think it's just going to be hard until she leaves school.  It was for me and mostly everyone I know.  You either embrace being the loner and find likeminded loners to become friends with, or you suffer.

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