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Help please - 8year old son

NAS78021

Hi - I am new to this forum so apologies in advance for my long, rambled message, my son is 8 and was diagnosed in November 2020.  We are in a situation where we need help, I have contacted everyone and no one can support us.

Over the last month my son has started to have more frequent meltdowns, they have changed to how he was previously, almost like the flick of a switch.  They are much more intense, much more aggressive and violent. He is struggling very much with his emotions and is unable to regulate.  The triggers can be anything these days & he is very hard to pull back out of the meltdown.  We struggle to find a balance, he can be very hyper & over the top or very aggressive and on edge with no in between.  

In January I contacted his consultant for some help as he should have been seen in July.  Things have got worse and he was excluded from school twice last week for hurting children and staff.  The consultant have given me a date to see him in the middle of May which is just not good enough.  I feel we are in a crisis now.  I have contacted the GP, CAMHS, ADHD Nurse (not diagnosed yet) & local services but they are all unable to help at this time.  I have also looked into seeing a private consultant and been told that as he is Autistic there is nothing they will be able to do as they don't specialise.  I am really at a loss as to where to go next.

Any advice? Thank you.

  • If you are not already doing this, I suggest keeping a diary to see if there are particular triggers. When there are problems in school see if you can find out what caused the reactions. If you don't have an EHCP yet this information will be helpful.

  • was there a significant change at school in the last few months? A change of class? Change or teacher? Any sign he might be being bullied?

  • Hi, don’t believe yourself to be alone as lots of autistic children and their families experience this, I were very violent myself during meltdowns.

    Once a meltdown has begun there is no stopping it, all you can do is protect your family until it resolves, there’s advice here on The National Autistic Society’s website concerning meltdowns and how to reduce and prevent them, it will be worth looking at if you haven’t done so yet.

    There’s no stopping a meltdown as they’re a biological response to what’s happening beneath the surface, they’re not conscious wilful behaviours. By this age your son has probably developed the “black and white” way of seeing things including his emotions, it’s not easy, but it may lure him towards the centre if you can explain and help him see the grey area, help him see his emotions on a continuum, illustrating it could be a help if he struggles to understand the way people speak, make sure people aren’t telling him he’s just overreacting or taking things too seriously. If your son stims in any stereotypical manner make sure no one’s stopping him, stimming serves multiple functions including emotional regulation, make sure the school is not stopping him.

    Remember the formula, “Autism + Environment = Outcome”. Ask his school to assess the environment and see if there’s anything that is possibly disturbing your son due to his autism that can be removed 

  • Hello there, have you tried contacting the school nurse? If he is at risk of harming himself or those around him, they have a legal safeguarding responsibility, as does the school and GP actually, to act to protect, but it is all down to  their risk assessment and how you communicate this to them. I hope that you get the support that you need, but you may need to 'bang that drum'Thumbsup

  • I'm v sorry to hear you and your boy are having a hard time just now. I'm no expert, but have a 9 yo boy and have had to work a lot of things out myself for him. I hope you are able to get help soon.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

    It sounds as though things have got worse at school? Is there a person at school that can help you think about strategies/SENCO to try and keep him at school and help him when he is becoming dysregulated. How did they talk/explain  the exclusion with you? Are there any other changes in his routine that have happened lately? Sometimes seemingly minor things/changes have made my son upset.

    Main things that helped us at home were having a solid routine a quiet space, and also thinking about his sensory profile and adjusting the environment (removed the ticking clocks!). I started thinking about each meltdown and trying to work out the triggers (sometimes not obvious at all) which meant we became better at trying to head them off. As he has got older he has become better at identifying what he is feeling. We have also used the zones of regulation in the past. 

    I hope some of this helps. I just wanted to offer some solidarity as I know how stressful it can be as a parent.

  • in reply to SloDownB4UfallDown

    PS, I should have explained. I like citrus esp orange. very uplifting. and of course lavenders etc 4sleep. They are poisonous because of their concentration but as a "sensory addict" I find them pleasantly or un-pleasantly distracting. And so, mood changing. Also, bake something nice smelling. Get him involved in the process. On a tangent, light can also change my mood. Especially low winter sun. Good luck, keep talking about it.

  • Sorry your struggling with help. Societies' priorities does not include minorities', sadly.

    I wasn't like this @8 but I'm internal, less external. If it's a sudden change think traumatic event. If a subtle change I would go for sensory, bad smells or noise and counter with ambient child proof essential oils and music of interest. When I was 8 I played a record over and over until one morning it just vanished! 

    Hope you get more help.