Please, I'm looking for information.
I live in a society where almost all marriages are arranged (not here to discuss arranged marriages).
A suiter has come for my daughter who seems to check all the boxes.
However, he has 6 brothers, one of which is Autistic.
Does this increase the likelihood that he will have an autistic child?
Thanks
M
"...talk about with your daughter".
That was my original thinking; to get whatever information I can, and then talk to her about it.
But based on the information I've gotten so far, and having done "due diligence" on other areas, I'm leaning to not mentioning any concerns about autism, and having her make her decision without me influencing her.
Fair point, but why do you think that 'happiness', however defined, should be the measure of a good or worthwhile life? If I think about people who have made substantial contributions to (for example) literature or science, they weren't often cheerful types. It may be the case, at least in many instances, that heightened suffering enables heightened sensibility, or skill, or something else. I would suggest that virtue is the measure of the good life.
I wouldn't change any aspect of my past because that would mean that I wouldn't be the same as I am now, despite any of the problems.
It may also be the case that this forum gives a skewed view, as many people go to it when they have a problem, rather than as a reflection of their everyday life.
I'm not sure that any minority needs to give a justification for its preservation.
Autism in many cases is likely to be a polygenic phenotype. That means there isn’t one “autism gene” that determines ether some one is autistic. But a combination of different genes together can make you autistic. The thing is there is a growing base of scientific evidence that some of the genes that contribute to autism also contribute to intelligence. Think about the 6 non autistic brothers? Would you describe them as smart men? They share a lot of genes with the autistic brother. Some very very smart people have been autistic.
ultimately don't you think this is something for you to talk about with your daughter?
Arranged or not, shared values is a key ingredient here to the OPs concern for the welfare of the children in a situation where one brain-type might not thrive or be as fluid as the other under ineffective conditions.
I know a few arranged marriages which are proven stable, healthy and lasting. I know a few who found their own spouse and both with children (some Autistic some Allistic) are all thriving for the reasons mentioned.
You're correct - nothing is 'simple'. Perhaps I should've used the word 'fundamental'.
It's really that simple from our perspective, yes.
Not so simple to those who feel that thousands of years of doing things "their way" has a value and functionality outside of what what we may think works.
Is our way of selecting a life partner as fulfilling as theirs?
Does ours lead to stable families and good values being passed on to the children?
I think that the most gifted autistics are a definite advantage to humanity. An additional viewpoint to the normative can be of immense benefit. Such autistics can contribute to solving problems by unusual abilities in lateral and abstract modes of thinking, and the ability to focus on details has many applications.
All peer reviewed papers at this point suggest there is the neurotic brain type and the autistic brain type as a generalisation. Both can have added disabilities. There is no such thing as “severe” or “mild” autism.
in fact, a geneticist I know has said potentially we all hold the autistic DNA just not everyone’s is (lucky enough to be) activated.
No one should be forced to marry someone they don’t share core values or principles with, and while some of us might be lucky enough to find attraction and similar lifestyles, with out parents who share mutual Trust and Respect, no child will feel grounded.
A good set of parents who are reasonable, dependable and sound/balanced with their ethics will be able to help a neurotic child not be too oediaplised and resentful or help an autistic child not be too marginalised or clueless. It’s really that simple.
I REALLY appreciate the empathetic post.
Thank you.
And thanks to everyone that give any form of input. It was all food for thought.
For everyone, the reason I did not want to discuss arranged marriage was in respect of the community here. To my mind, this is forum related to Autism, and I did not want to intrude with unrelated issues.
In principle, I am open to reasonable discussion of almost any topic, but not at the expense of others who may feel this is a safe exclusive place for their topic.
I've been on this site for a while now, I came seeking people like me, and to gain an external view of autism such as the normies might get of myself. I'm not surprised the poor man is asking this question!
This forum is NOT full of happy well adjusted people describing happy lives is it? I have periods of trying tor read ALL the posts not just the ones I appear in, and the picture I get of "Autistic life", is not often a rosy one.
Can you really blame the guy for not wanting his grandkids to be neurodivergent, especially in a society where fitting in may well be more of a matter of life and death? Dont; ever forget people, WE are living the easy life that people travel thousands of miles to get a piece of!
OTOH, as a few of you hint at, when an Autist does "make good", we seem to make very good indeed.
But if the OP isn't a gambler, he may well prefer the non-autistic option! And in his situation it appears he has a role to play, and is trying to play it to the best of his abilty. Whether we agree or not, makes no difference to his situation.
When I came here I was pretty gung-ho to form an Autist army and "seize power" believing that a part of Autism was an appreciation of what it feels like to be "othered" together with an enhanced sensitivity of how interconnected everything is and how careful we should tread, and therefore we would be good leaders.
Apparently I had got completely the wrong end of the stick. A few posters have found some elightenment and contentment in their lives, but SO MANY of us write like tortured souls, it isn't a good advert for the "difference" at all..
If we "deserve to be preserved" as a minorty we need to be clear about what it is that we bring to the party I believe, and er, make sure the normies know it, so as they want to include us as part of greater humanity..
Recent genetic research has shown that some genetic variants linked to autism are also linked to higher than average intelligence. Life is a lottery and heredity is the same. First thing to avoid is cousin marriages. Charles Darwin married his first cousin and the ailments, both physical and mental, of his children made him feel intensely guilty about his marriage throughout all of his later life. Hybrid vigour is a real thing, so if you are arranging a marriage, genetically, the best thing you can do is for the prospective partner to be from outside your kinship group and preferably outside your local area or the local area of your ancestors.
Yes, autism like most neurological divergences are hereditary.
Their are also research that shows that birth order may affect the chances of a child having a neurological differences this includes Autism,ADHD & learning disabilities. There has been multiple studies that have found that children birth order often the youngest child after having two children prior are more have a increased chance of being born with neurological differences.
The chances of a individual with autism having children with neurological differences is increased and often it's not always the same disorder as the parents. It has been shown that parent with autism can have children with ADHD and not autism and same goes for those with learning disabilities like dyslexia can have children with autism.
If the father has autism, ADHD or learning disabilities their is a high chance of the child inheriting the same disorder.
Mothers health has also been suspected to influence the chances of having children with autism, One incomplete study being carried out at a uk university has found a correlation with poor mental health and the increased risk of having a child with neurological differences.
FYI, I truly appreciate your point of view. Where I'm sitting, every point of view helps.
AND, I do apologize for the offence.
Wow.
There are plenty of peer-reviewed academic papers on the web which address this topic and the answer is not yet clear cut.
But I really invite you to reconsider this mentality. Reading your post made me shudder.
Some of the most brilliant minds in history either were, or were probably, autistic. The UK intelligence services and some progressive think tanks across the world are actively seeking out neuro-divergent minds. It isn't a disease.
I take your point about local support systems, but whatever questions arise from that, the answer cannot be selective breeding.
Differently abled people all over the world were ridiculed and marginalised to a much greater extent than they are now (believe me, it still happens) but global movements like the Paralympics have radically changed attitudes. This happened because courageous people faced the issues, rather than gave-in to them. In many countries, something similar happened with LGBTQi people (a fight which continues). Bigotry against minorities is something to be fought, not something that decent people should be subservient about.
I also hear your point about your own limitations, but if that's the case are you really in a place to make these decisions for your daughter? I don't have a thing about arranged marriages but surely the people doing the arranging have to be fit for the task? That may sound harsh, but the question you posed was morally abhorent, and by asking it you invite candid, unvarnished, truthful answers, however unwelcome.
I accept your difficulty and I guess, at least, you are giving it thought. But you're basically asking for advice on how to do the gene selection that will ensure that your family never gives birth to an autistic person, and I won't be part of that.
Think about this - you've posted a question, on a platform populated largely by people on the autistic spectrum, asking how to ensure that your daughter never gives birth to an autistic child.
It doesn't amount to eugenics, but it's one big step in that direction.
If your daughter married a man she could love, and the match produced a child, that child should be loved, treasured, and supported, by the family, irrespective of disabilities, health profile, or whether or not they had autism or anything else. If there are difficulties, families should face them, together. If there is bigotry, they should face it down. That is the familial duty of parents and grandparents.
We're all human, and we're all different. We believe in different things, like different things, have different skills and shortcomings, we're tall and short, fat and thin, fair and dark, ill and healthy, academic and practical, and some of us are on the spectrum. Get over it.
That probably isn't the answer you wanted, but the answer you wanted isn't very nice.
