Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
Just wondering if anyone can offer any advice/shared experience? My 9.5yr old son was diagnosed with Aspergers in May this year and is currently in a large mainstram state primary school (currently in year 5 - they suggested we seek a diagnosis when he was in yr 4). He is bright and meeting or exceeding the required standards at school (handwriting not quite!) but is exhibiting lots of negative behviour at school. His form teacher seems really understanding and sympathetic and has put in place lots of tools to help - wobble cushion, red/green cards to show his feelings, checking in with him frequently to avoid meltdowns - but he doesn't seem to get the same level of support in other lessons. They have put them in ability classes for maths and my son is in the top class, but the teacher is not his form teacher and she doesn't appear to be able or willing to work with the tools the form teacher has put in place. He is with lots of children from other classes (it's a 3 form entry school) which he finds unsettling, and not sat with any of his classmates, and this less familiar teacher who doesn't "get him". I'm not sure they have any teaching assistants in the maths class, whereas his regular form has a full time assistant on account of another boy in the class having an EHCP. Today my son threw his maths book across the room in frustration and was told by the teacher to "get out of my classroom" - he wasn't sure what to do so stayed sitting until she yelled "get out" to him and he left in tears and found a corner of the school to sit in.
I'm not sure if this is exactly what happened as its the word of a 9.5 yr old, but it sounds disturbing and I am worried that he isn't getting the support he needs across all the time he spends in school. We plan to move him to a small, nuturing private school for secondary, but could look to move him sooner, as they start from reception and have spaces in year 5 currently. I feel that he has such potential that is not being realised because he struggles to manage his emotions at school, whereas at a smaller school (about 12 in a class) the teacher would have more time to support him. The advice I'm looking for is whether I am being an over-protective mother who is blind to her son's naughtiness, or whether actually the school is just not providing him with the support he needs in all lessons. He loves his current school and his friends there and gets upset at the thought of leaving them, which makes me feel we should wait until year 7 to move him to the private school, but I can't help feel that at a smaller school he might get more attention and the opportunity to really excel with his gifts rather than be constantly upset and punished for his behaiour. Apparently he was kept in for most of lunch break because of his behaviour and this only worsens his behaviour, not improves it.
I am seeing his teacher on Thursday and will talk through my concerns but I really don't know if I am expecting too much of the school or whether actually they just aren't addressing his needs. They told him his needs didn't warrant an EHCP, but it doesn't seem as though they are meeting his needs currently.
Thanks for reading.
Oh gosh I’m so sorry he had to have that experience. The school absolutely should be doing more, diagnosis or not, to support your son. My son was undiagnosed through primary school but I was able to work with his teachers in Y5/6 (which was when his difficulties really started showing) to make lots of little adjustments that were very helpful. For example he had a desk to himself, wasn’t required to work in groups or pairs, had a table outside the lunch hall for eating with one friend, allowed to stand in lessons except when the teacher was “teaching”, squidgy chair cushion, able to pop out to the toilet (really just a little cool down break) whenever he needed to. IMO a child who throws a book needs help not shouting at. “I’m sorry you threw the book, you must have had some big feelings just then, would you like to step outside the class and take a few minutes to feel better?” Knowing what immense pressure schools and teachers are under, it could have been a momentary “snap” but still things should be put in place to stop it happening again. Have you spoken to your son about what might help him in school, or at least what he finds hard?
If you have the means to move him I’d say that’s not a bad option either as he will have to leave his current friends at some point and maybe the earlier the better? Has he visited the school snd are you happy with their SEND provision?
Hello, thanks for your reply. It's reassuring to hear that others think this behaviour wasn't reasonable too. I think this teacher is prone to "snaps" as she has sent him out of class again recently - I hadn't been sure what for, but I just asked my son and he said it was for being "distracting" - I asked if he was talking and he said he was saying a few words, but that others were chatting. He does have a loud voice that does carry, and does seem oblivious to how it affects other people!
I have asked my son what he thinks might help and he says he doesn't know. He did say that his maths teacher has a TA who sometimes teaches them and when he does it's much better. I am going to ask his form teacher whether they can have a TA in the maths classes to support my son, as a big school they might be able to find that resource, and they are meant to provide resource for children with SEN but no EHCP.
Luckily, the other school is still an option, and they have an excellent reputation for SEN, although not a special school, a lot of parents send their children there for SEN as the provision is so good. Mainly it is due to it being such a small school, average class size of around 12, so the teachers can give more time for each child, and tailor the lessons more for the individual children. I also suspect the teachers feel less stressed and have more patience to work woith those children who are prone to emotional outbursts.
Some of the things your son's school put in place for him, my son has been allowed to do, such as using the toilet duing classtime (he found it overwhelming at breaktimes when louder children were in there) and going out of the classroom when things got too much. I'm not sure if they are in place in his current class, but he does have headphones he can wear if the noise gets too much. It's funny how noise can affect him, as he can be very noisy himself, but then I suppose that is part of the condition that he is not aware of the impact he has on others, but acutely aware of their impact on him.
Thanks again.