Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
Just wondering if anyone can offer any advice/shared experience? My 9.5yr old son was diagnosed with Aspergers in May this year and is currently in a large mainstram state primary school (currently in year 5 - they suggested we seek a diagnosis when he was in yr 4). He is bright and meeting or exceeding the required standards at school (handwriting not quite!) but is exhibiting lots of negative behviour at school. His form teacher seems really understanding and sympathetic and has put in place lots of tools to help - wobble cushion, red/green cards to show his feelings, checking in with him frequently to avoid meltdowns - but he doesn't seem to get the same level of support in other lessons. They have put them in ability classes for maths and my son is in the top class, but the teacher is not his form teacher and she doesn't appear to be able or willing to work with the tools the form teacher has put in place. He is with lots of children from other classes (it's a 3 form entry school) which he finds unsettling, and not sat with any of his classmates, and this less familiar teacher who doesn't "get him". I'm not sure they have any teaching assistants in the maths class, whereas his regular form has a full time assistant on account of another boy in the class having an EHCP. Today my son threw his maths book across the room in frustration and was told by the teacher to "get out of my classroom" - he wasn't sure what to do so stayed sitting until she yelled "get out" to him and he left in tears and found a corner of the school to sit in.
I'm not sure if this is exactly what happened as its the word of a 9.5 yr old, but it sounds disturbing and I am worried that he isn't getting the support he needs across all the time he spends in school. We plan to move him to a small, nuturing private school for secondary, but could look to move him sooner, as they start from reception and have spaces in year 5 currently. I feel that he has such potential that is not being realised because he struggles to manage his emotions at school, whereas at a smaller school (about 12 in a class) the teacher would have more time to support him. The advice I'm looking for is whether I am being an over-protective mother who is blind to her son's naughtiness, or whether actually the school is just not providing him with the support he needs in all lessons. He loves his current school and his friends there and gets upset at the thought of leaving them, which makes me feel we should wait until year 7 to move him to the private school, but I can't help feel that at a smaller school he might get more attention and the opportunity to really excel with his gifts rather than be constantly upset and punished for his behaiour. Apparently he was kept in for most of lunch break because of his behaviour and this only worsens his behaviour, not improves it.
I am seeing his teacher on Thursday and will talk through my concerns but I really don't know if I am expecting too much of the school or whether actually they just aren't addressing his needs. They told him his needs didn't warrant an EHCP, but it doesn't seem as though they are meeting his needs currently.
Thanks for reading.
I think it sounds like the school is not meeting his needs, but that does not necessarily mean that you need to move schools. Working with the school to address the needs would be the best way forward, certainly initially. I am quite new to the EHCP side of things, so can't offer any advice regarding whether this is right for you, but I would suggest that with having a diagnosis it is not unreasonable to suggest to the school that they made reasonable adjustments. Whether that be in terms of which class/es he is taught with to make him most comfortable, or allowing him to have ways to communicate that he is becoming overwhelmed, e.g. red/green cards. Certainly the way that teacher spoke to him is out of order - even for a NT child! I would to the school that the teaching staff have training on Autism and how to handle situations.
Thanks for your reply - sorry it has taken so long, it's not always easy to find time to get onto the PC. I agree completely with your comment about it not being appropriate for a teacher to talk like that to any child. There has also been a further incident when my son was told to leave her classroom (I'm not sure what for this time) and she said something which my son can't exactly remember (which is odd as he has such a good memory usually!) but it was along the lines of "you are the most annoying boy", which I also felt was out of order. He wasn't so upset at being told to leave this time, and whilst I'm glad he wasn't upset and in tears, I worry that it will become the norm for him and he will think that leaving the classroom is a normal thing to do, which obviously it isn't!
When I saw his form teacher for parents' evening she said she didn't want to discuss the behaviour, but to focus on the academic side, which I understood and supported, as at the end of the day he is there to learn. But she said I can contact her anytime to discuss the behaviour, and in fact we have had quite a bit of communication already, but not about this maths issue, so I will contact her on Monday about it. I asked him whether he wanted to be in a different class for maths, but his reply was that he already finds the maths in this set (the top one) easy, he'd be frustrated in any other too. I think the issue for the teacher is that he is not doing the maths she sets him, and he needs to understand that he can't pick and choose which questions he answers, but equally, ignoring his needs, shouting at him and throwing him out of the classroom aren't helping.
I am going to ask what support he can have in maths as he appears to get well supported in other lessons. Thanks again for your suggestions and advice.