About masking/school

Hello,

My daughter was diagnosed with ASD over the summer. I am a bit confused about something.

The school say that she is "fine " in class, putting her hand up in class and participating well. Almost as though she does not have ASD diagnosis.

When she is at home, she hides away in her room, listening to audio books or on the ipad etc. On the weekends she wants to stay home and does not want to go out.

She does not refuse to go to school but she definitely prefers to be at home.

My question is that from what I have read that kids with ASD are meant to struggle at school, particularly with sensory issues.. So how can she be "fine" at school when they are at this stage making no allowances for her in the classroom or playground?

How do I know if she is masking or if she really is ok?

Another important question which I am really having trouble with understanding about masking is- what would she( or other children) be like in class if she was not masking. I have read that autistic people should be able to be themselves but what does this look like? Is it just that they should be free to remove themselves from a situation which is difficult for them and come back when the environment is calmer?

How does an autistic person/ child mask their communication difficulties. My daughter seems to get on quite well with her friends.

I know these might seem strange questions but I am trying to understand this very new diagnosis and am confused about why everything thing is "fine" at school when if the diagnosis is correct, there should be some sensory/ communication things that she is struggling with.

Regards

Parents

Martin over 4 years ago

I think, and I'm autistic myself, that masking is a bit overplayed as being deleterious for autistic people. Everyone masks in public, including neurotypicals, if we didn't and everyone was authentic and entirely honest, there would be chaos. What is different for autistics, is that masking and social interactions generally are more exhausting. Being an autistic in public is a bit like acting, your daughter has to use her intellect to do things that allistic people do subconsciously and without effort. Think how exhausted you would be if every day you had to 'remember all your lines' and all the 'stage directions' in a never-ending play. To fully participate in society autistics have to do these things. It is fine that your daughter is staying at home and relaxing out of school hours, she is recharging her ability to socialise at school. It is only if she starts having behaviour problems in school that you need worry, because this means that she is not getting enough 'time-out' to recharge her 'social batteries'.

Like myself, my autistic daughter never cordially liked school, or, more accurately, hated it. Schools are just not suited to autistics, but there is little practical that can be done about this, unfortunately. However, she left school with 10 GCSEs, 7 at A*, and 3 A-levels, all at A*, so autistics can do well academically at school, even if they hate the institution itself.

Reply

Martin over 4 years ago

I think, and I'm autistic myself, that masking is a bit overplayed as being deleterious for autistic people. Everyone masks in public, including neurotypicals, if we didn't and everyone was authentic and entirely honest, there would be chaos. What is different for autistics, is that masking and social interactions generally are more exhausting. Being an autistic in public is a bit like acting, your daughter has to use her intellect to do things that allistic people do subconsciously and without effort. Think how exhausted you would be if every day you had to 'remember all your lines' and all the 'stage directions' in a never-ending play. To fully participate in society autistics have to do these things. It is fine that your daughter is staying at home and relaxing out of school hours, she is recharging her ability to socialise at school. It is only if she starts having behaviour problems in school that you need worry, because this means that she is not getting enough 'time-out' to recharge her 'social batteries'.

Like myself, my autistic daughter never cordially liked school, or, more accurately, hated it. Schools are just not suited to autistics, but there is little practical that can be done about this, unfortunately. However, she left school with 10 GCSEs, 7 at A*, and 3 A-levels, all at A*, so autistics can do well academically at school, even if they hate the institution itself.

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